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Thread: Dark Chains

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    Post Dark Chains

    I remember the time when you used to hold me tightly in the dark

    But the light can never bother use no more since you tied me to these steal

    Chains and i wished you would never took the risk into trapping your soul into

    Mine now my life is full of darkness and i wish you would have care about me

    More, the more i think about you is that makes me want to hold you forever

    If i cannot stay here in this darkness by myself then we would stay in the

    Dark even if i am chained to the dark until i am untied of these lies you gave

    Me away to just the shadows of sorrows and i wished you really did love me

    Me at first and now i neeed to be alone Chained alone in the darkest place of

    All the world until i break free from dark love from you that betrayed me in

    The beginning before we looked at each other.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Dark Chains

    I dunno, honestly the structure was so odd it made it hard to focus on the content. I've seen it done where people begin a sentence with the last word of the previous sentence, and it actually worked... But It didnt work with this one.
    After re-reading it, I got more of an idea what the poem was actually about. I like the content.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: Dark Chains

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    I dunno, honestly the structure was so odd it made it hard to focus on the content. I've seen it done where people begin a sentence with the last word of the previous sentence, and it actually worked... But It didnt work with this one.
    After re-reading it, I got more of an idea what the poem was actually about. I like the content.
    Thank you Peach_follows i will make sure to do that since i did only a few errors from what i have read my poem over and over but i only did that because it was my first one since i have four more to write about thsi time is not the only one but i will make some changes in order to get more emotions in it so it can be consider to be more dramatically effective in my point of view is not for myself but for others that loves theses types of poems.
    So i appreciate the suggestion your making when the structure was kind of slacking i think not really sure but i will make it better in the future.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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