bratling

Lost in the big dark city streets.
Avoiding everyone I meet.
Because I'm afraid they might see,
The evil little beast that resides inside me.

Long sharpened claws for picking their flesh from bone,
Just reason one for wanting to be alone.
Sharp little tongue for cleaning the blood to taste,
Not to mention the emotional damage it can deal without haste.
Gnashing teeth for gnawing bone and flesh.
Eat it up till nothings left.

Black like my heart and my overfilled head,
Left in insanity.
The street lights flicker, trying desprately to light my path.
Like you, trying to save me.

But give it up.
Theres nothing left.
I've lost my reason.
I've lost my point.
I've lost even my sanity.

I can't go back.
I can't move forward.
I'm stuck where my roots have planted.

Even though theres nothing here,
But concrete monuments built to the sky,
Concrete paths and roads.
Steel and metal and toxic fumes.
Like my heart.

So skulk down these dangerous and lonely streets,
Trying to find a place of my own.
Somewhere I can call home, and not feel insted,
That I reside in my own hell.
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As you can tell I haven't been writing. I'm too..... upset. So be gentle.

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She's always trying not to cry.
But I can see the demons in her eyes.
She's always trying not to yell.
But you see to her, she's trapped in hell.

atomik_sprout

I like this one alot.

The flow was a bit iffy, due to your structure and you kinda lost your rhyme scheme towards the end, but it was still well written!

Kudos!

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overload

I must agree with the Sprout about the poem structure at the end.
but it is still good to read.

this is my favorite part of the poem, to bad it is only two lines.

Sharp little tongue for cleaning the blood to taste,
Not to mention the emotional damage it can deal without haste.

I like the part about the emotional damage, because it gets me thinking about
a book from David Gemmell that I read a while back.
but it is still a great poem and I must congratulate you on it.

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http://reignofblood.net/link.php?n=119430

bratling

I appriciate all your comments. The rhyming was forced and I didn't know how to end it so that's why it is the way it is. Thank you both for your opinions.

__________________

She's always trying not to cry.
But I can see the demons in her eyes.
She's always trying not to yell.
But you see to her, she's trapped in hell.

atomik_sprout

Rhyming isn't everyone's forte, but at least you give good effort in your work. ^_^ You'll catch on sooner or later. Until then, keep on writing. Because, I like your work--always have, always will.

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