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Reply With QuoteWow.........I think this has become my favorite poem......
The words go perfectly with the title and they have great rhythm and beat to them......
Great job!!!!!!
There is something dark
growing inside of me and
I fear it wants vengeance.
I try hard to fight it
but it won't end due
to her absence.
The only thing I can
link to it that has
any relevance
Is the bastard who
stole her and gave
my heart its transparence.
The darkness inside
wants me to make him beg.
It wants me to send him home,
with his tail between his legs.
I should punch him
in his throat, or
I should kick him
in his eggs!
Maybe leave him in
a trunk like the girl
from that list of Craig's.
But it's not my nature
to make someone my prey,
so I hold it off and sulk
for the rest of my day.
The darkness grows bigger,
it wants to break free.
All I can do is hope that
it won't consume me.
My light fades away,
dissapears in to the night.
I just sit here and force
myself to give up the fight.
Wow.........I think this has become my favorite poem......
The words go perfectly with the title and they have great rhythm and beat to them......
Great job!!!!!!
DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON
atomik_sprout (Dec 14, 2007)
great rhythem and rhyme scheme. You can feel the darkness encroaching as you read on in this poem and towards the endness it turns into sadness, insted of an angry darkness. Congrats.
You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
atomik_sprout (Dec 14, 2007)
Deep, yet creepy.
The whole part, up to the punch him in the throat part, was very deep. You could really feel the emotion.
Then comes the "I should punch him in his throat, or I should kick him in his eggs! part. Have to admit I laughed my a_s of at that part. I didn't know anyone else said punch him in the throat. Then you throw in the part about the eggs. Woo!
Then came the part about Craig's list. Have to admit, I paused and had to go to Ask dot com. Man I didn't hear about that. That is sick, what that guy did.
Wow, kinda worried about ya' again. This is kind of dark. Good job.
atomik_sprout (Dec 14, 2007)
As usual, you rocked the dark kind of poems.
I actually liked this one sprout. Liked the flow. Nice one
Born to rule, raised to lead, taught to establish: The African Queen
atomik_sprout (Dec 14, 2007)
It's a good poem, I can see his point of view. The girl he loves kicking it with some asshole instead of him. I've been there plenty of times myself. Controlling thyself my suck, but it seems all for the best in the end. Then again , I find that statement to have been total bullshit. It is hard to not let the darkness fully take over, so we resort to a multitude of things, drugs mainly. They work all too well, don't they?
atomik_sprout (Dec 14, 2007)
Yeah, I'd been looking for a way to mention the Craig's List girl in my poetry for a few days. Then I got this fit of anger yesterday and just started typing; this is what I came up with. ^_^Originally Posted by Umbriel
I wouldn't worry, were I you. I'm doin' just fine. Thanks anyway. And to everyone else, I appreciate your taking the time to read my writing.
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