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Thread: Darkness Over Light

  1. #1
    AtheistAngel666 is off to a good start AtheistAngel666's Avatar
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    Darkness Over Light

    She walks to the window
    In her cold dark house
    Looking out over the town
    Where her life once resided

    So lonely

    As she turns away with regret
    A single black tear runs down her cheek
    Staining her skin black
    The colour of her heart

    So lonely

    She walks to the bathroom
    That was once so pristine
    But now it reflects her thoughts
    The ones that wont go away

    So lonely

    She looks at herself in the mirror with hesitation
    And she hates what she sees
    Amonster so ugly, with red eyes
    Yet she doesn't know that she is loved

    So lonely

    A man stands outside, wings folded
    A bright white being amoungst the darkness
    As he stands there, he doesn't know
    That the woman he loves, lays dead on the floor.

  2. #2
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: Darkness Over Light

    ......wow.that was amazing!!!! i love the way you write. very creative!!! hope to see more. very nice some what sad, dark. love the title caught my attention. i wish i could write poems like!!!^.^ oh and nice pic!! helps with the poem!!

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  3. #3
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Darkness Over Light

    Light over dark.. @.@ theres very little light in the poem though... i can see more darkness... pitch black....and a dr op of light in the middle...

    creative work like renn said... ^^ and a very shocking ending suddenly.. nice way of making the poem linger in the minds of the readers...the repeating word of so lonely makes the poem very cold and really adds the effect... nicely done.. keep it up...

    I want to see more methaphores.. creativity in making methaphores are my favourite.. i love reading methaphores... experiment with words more and keep up the good work

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Darkness Over Light

    @ Ray: your craving for metaphores is just becomming ridiculous

    I don't know... I didn't like the flow that much, it kinda made it hard to read, I don't even think I can say why exactly... it just felt a bit odd...

    I really loved the repetition of "So lonely" though... As Ray said, it makes the poem really quite cold...

    And in the ending I was like... "WTH " That is so sad... Such a sad peom you've written there. I love the thought though- that we feel lonely and unloved a lot, but not always what we think is true- so you should never just give up, someone might be crying for you afterwards... *sigh*

    Nice work here! And I really hope to see more ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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