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Thread: day turns into night

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    Newbie Nerowolf may be famous one day Nerowolf may be famous one day Nerowolf's Avatar
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    day turns into night

    day turns into night
    the mood takes the suns place
    the black clouds covers the day sky
    the stars rip tough the night sky
    the creator comes out from his den he stands on his back legs he tosses his head back an howls
    when all the night things come out to feed the creaters of the night comes out to play
    soon the sun comes back out to put night and its creaters away and to sleep till the night comes out again
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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: day turns into night

    Capitalization and punctuation. Yes, it needs those.
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    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: day turns into night

    It could need a little bit more working. Try breaking the 5th line into another paragraph ^_^

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    Re: day turns into night

    Good poem although it was short. It needed to be a little longer so you could get a better understanding of the story.
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    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
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    Re: day turns into night

    It needs some more work on the spelling and apostrophe, in addition to what Kasai said. Perhaps giving yourself time to give it a second look for anything to edit before posting it might have made a difference.

    I like the concept of it, though. The idea is pretty cool. Without the minor errors, I actually think the poem's good. I don't think it needs more lengthening, the idea seems complete as it is. Keep up the good work!

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