Dead Men Tell No Tales

(See if this makes any sense to anyone! This is for another scholarship, and I wanted to run it by people before turning it in. It's not about the rhyme; it's the syllabic reduction of each line.)

The prophet keeps banging on my grave,
Telling me to get up and follow.
I'm a shadow of my former self,
But I look so very good in black.

The tattered funeral veil lifts.
Exorcised by Charlie's Angels,
I fall into a deck of cards.

The Queen of Spades buries me
Next to the Joker; alas,
Poor Yorick. I knew him well.
He has something to tell you:

"Cloud Nine is slippery;
There's no friction up there."

Defeat tastes like pie.
Eat yourself to death.
I'll bury you deep
So you can't climb out.

Hold nothingness.

Please don't scream.

After all, dead men tell no tales.

To tell you the truth it confused me. I don't get how one thing changes to the other. Maybe if it was explained alittle more it would be better. I'm not saying it's not good just giving suggestions since you are wanting to turn it in for a scholarship.

It starts out with me, a supposedly dead person (really dead inside, not physically.) Only partially sane, I stumble through life, encountering a poker game, which represents chance. Yorick represents my past life, like he did for Hamlet. Now, it's "your" turn to die inside, to experience what I have. **sweatdrop** I know it makes absolutely no sense. Please forgive me. I was reading Sylvia Plath for inspiration!

Don't know who that is but I suggest your read angels songs and that would give you some inspiration. I guaruntee it! She is so good at writting songs.

I personally liked it....I think its obscurity gives it a mysterious element. I really liked it! :thumb:

I like it. It's different and though it's kinda hard to understand you can still get the general idea of what yor saying and like what Wolf_of_the said_ it adds mystery.

Haha, thank you! It's funny, though; every time I read it, I think, "What was I on?" (I was on nothing; I don't do drugs. But it's a good question!)

sweet me like this!!!!!!!!!! :2thumbs: keep it up!!!!! :)