divine_punishment

(See if this makes any sense to anyone! This is for another scholarship, and I wanted to run it by people before turning it in. It's not about the rhyme; it's the syllabic reduction of each line.)

The prophet keeps banging on my grave,
Telling me to get up and follow.
I'm a shadow of my former self,
But I look so very good in black.

The tattered funeral veil lifts.
Exorcised by Charlie's Angels,
I fall into a deck of cards.

The Queen of Spades buries me
Next to the Joker; alas,
Poor Yorick. I knew him well.
He has something to tell you:

"Cloud Nine is slippery;
There's no friction up there."

Defeat tastes like pie.
Eat yourself to death.
I'll bury you deep
So you can't climb out.

Hold nothingness.

Please don't scream.

After all, dead men tell no tales.

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Ky-lyrra

divine_punishment

It starts out with me, a supposedly dead person (really dead inside, not physically.) Only partially sane, I stumble through life, encountering a poker game, which represents chance. Yorick represents my past life, like he did for Hamlet. Now, it's "your" turn to die inside, to experience what I have. **sweatdrop** I know it makes absolutely no sense. Please forgive me. I was reading Sylvia Plath for inspiration!

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Ky-lyrra

Wolf_of_the_North

I personally liked it....I think its obscurity gives it a mysterious element. I really liked it!

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DEMON SPAWN IS AWESOME!!!!! XP

P.R. Princess

I like it. It's different and though it's kinda hard to understand you can still get the general idea of what yor saying and like what Wolf_of_the said_ it adds mystery.

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divine_punishment

Haha, thank you! It's funny, though; every time I read it, I think, "What was I on?" (I was on nothing; I don't do drugs. But it's a good question!)

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babepooh15

sweet me like this!!!!!!!!!! keep it up!!!!!

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Ky-lyrra

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™Soon To Be Mother™

Thanks For The Tag Aiora!

divine_punishment

**shrug** Let's leave it at "You're not supposed to get it; it's insanity . . ."

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FLawEdmiNd

Shouldn't this tell a tale, a story, send out some kind of message, just as all poems in some way do?

I can understand the poem to a point, but it doesn't flow with itself and the weird way you made the stanzas bother me, very much, it would maybe sound better if you revised *cough* added three more lines to have six complete stanzas *cough* Or simply rewriting what you've got and adding in whatever comes to you.

Of course this is simply my opinion on how I would go about fixing the erm, miscalculations...

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KAGUTSUCHi~HiME