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Thread: Dead Men Tell No Tales

  1. #9
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    I like it after you explained to me what you meant but before that I was like sitting here scratching my head trying to see what you were meaning. Maybe if you used diferent words it would be alot better but it's ok as it is.
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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    **shrug** Let's leave it at "You're not supposed to get it; it's insanity . . ."

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    Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Shouldn't this tell a tale, a story, send out some kind of message, just as all poems in some way do?

    I can understand the poem to a point, but it doesn't flow with itself and the weird way you made the stanzas bother me, very much, it would maybe sound better if you revised *cough* added three more lines to have six complete stanzas *cough* Or simply rewriting what you've got and adding in whatever comes to you.

    Of course this is simply my opinion on how I would go about fixing the erm, miscalculations...
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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    The confusion that the poem creates at first gives it a mysterious feel, but the imagery of the poem is awesome I can see these things as you describe them. But the line that got me was:

    The tattered funeral veil lifts.
    Exorcised by Charlie's Angels,
    I fall into a deck of cards.

    "Exorcised by Charlie's Angels", the overall poem as I said very mysterious but this line threw me! Keep up the good work and I hope the scholarship thing goes well for you!

  5. #13
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    Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    I was limited to 20 lines. It's not "miscalculated;" I happen to agree with you, but it's main thing is syllabic reduction. The first set is 9 syllables, then 8, then 7, 6, etc.

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