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Thread: Dead Night

  1. #1
    Otaku Nodes Champion, Flames of Fury Champion shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz's Avatar
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    Dead Night

    Dead Night

    Walking through the night this day
    This pitch black night does say
    "I have no stars, no moon, no light
    So are you ready for all the fright?"

    I turn around and around again
    To find what voice I heard just then
    I could see nothing to please my eyes
    But just now I can hear many cries

    I look to see something for me
    But everywhere nothing full of glee
    Paranoia settles its way deep in
    As I run, trip and fall and injure my shin

    The smill of blood is thick in the air
    There is no escape its not just here or there
    Running away is becoming useless
    Something is coming out of the darkness

    My eyes are widening as I can view
    Something from my blackened mind nothing that's new
    It's my darkened spouse with a blade
    She's coming closer with an erie shade

    Not only her now she has an aid
    That minion of hers she has made
    Their eyes are not on a skew
    My flesh is what they peirce through

    I am one that no one is here to bless
    How did I end up in this mess
    It is that no one will ever care
    Everything wants my soul to tear

    Her minion is running in attempt to pin
    His sin is to run down his kin
    I cry out with one final plee
    As my dead spouse comes up to kill me

    The blood of my soul now unties
    She looks at me and then she sighs
    "I wished you were stronger my dear freind"
    The voice says, "But we will still meet in the end"

    Where I stay now the fire burns bright
    There is no one to help in this plight
    "Welcome to the place of no gay"
    the voice of the demon speaks this day

    Lengthy but still one of my better poems I believe. Actually written for POTM, however decided against it. Read and Comment please.

    A big thanks to Renn for the sig! THANK YOU!

  2. #2
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Night

    Kinda scary but once again surprised me. very good shadow.it gives very good speech and figurative language^-^ keep it ↑
    Yeah, Bye.

  3. #3
    Banned AngelicDemon201092 is off to a good start AngelicDemon201092's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Night

    This one was spectacular shadow. I couldn't stop reading it, it draws you in and to be honest think it would make a great scary story if you decided to add to it sometime. ^-^ You seem to have great skill and you shouldn't waste it. Keep up the good work because i would love to hear more from you. ^-^

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Dead Night

    Hmmm... interesting... You've done good, with the descriptions and the idea and the plot.

    But I must say this- don't try so hard to make it rhyme, it makes a serious peom look... very odd. I must say that I even couldn't help laughing in one place... or is it just my bad knowledge of english?
    I really find it admirable that you can make it rhyme like that, but... don't try too hard, it is not the main thing in a poem ^^

    Anyways... good work, I really enjoyed reding it! Keep it up! I'm looking forward for more!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
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    Re: Dead Night

    wow... love the rhyming scheme though it is a bit off one or twice but it's awesome still ^^

    The imaginary or imagery is very nice too... may i suggest you put the imagery of the place or time or the situation more...? ^^

    A very good poem indeed.. keep it up ^^

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