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Old Mar 31, 2007, 01:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
Elie Jelly
 
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Deadly Flowers

Deadly Flowers

Flowers with such fragrant, elegance and grace
Always remaining the image of a picture perfect face
Attracting attention in the eyes of every passing stranger
Leaving them baffled, oh if only they knew the danger!

Deceiving looks hidden under each mask
A different character altogether if you were to ask
Almost an unimaginable likelihood to wander
Yet not leaving any clues for all to ponder

Fishing for a victim with each smile they flash
Like a lion with sharpened teeth, they lash!
Stripping you of every shred of dignity and hope
Reducing you to nothing, left only there to mope

You made you move so rash and paid the price
Not knowing you were just a number on their dice
A pawn that served no further purposes in their eyes
Merely a bridge that linked the path to sparkling ice

They’re skillful masters in the game of persuasion
Forcing you to give in to your utmost temptation
Lust dances, breaths, and boils beneath your skin
Leaving behind grief and pain in the faces of your kin

Retreat now and pray for hope of salvation
But we all know nothing could change the situation
The lives that you’ve unknowingly torn has been too much
Now no one would listen to your pleadings and such

As you recap and look back on what you did
As you stand there looking like he’s some innocent kid
He continues counting the cards writings with “I love you”
But he knows better because this time you finally left a clue
Saying that you’ll be leaving, and never coming back
He knows that it’ll be a family he wished he never had

Hope it's an improvement from the last. Honest Comment Plz.
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Old Mar 31, 2007, 01:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

Excellent work Elie! O+O I'm really impressed by your hard work, keep it up ^_^
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Old Mar 31, 2007, 06:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

wow!!! amazing stuff, wish I could wright like that
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Old Mar 31, 2007, 10:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

always a pleasure to read one of your amazing works
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Old Mar 31, 2007, 06:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

wooow that was trippy, i thought i was going crasy reading it. cool tho/
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Old Apr 01, 2007, 01:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

sad very sad elie I'd like to see happy poems from you again and yes I remember your happy poems =P
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Old Apr 01, 2007, 01:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zackraa View Post
sad very sad elie I'd like to see happy poems from you again and yes I remember your happy poems =P
I don't do happy poems
I don't know what you're talking about *yes u do* No I don't! *It's so obvious* Shut up

I'll ... try ^^ Thx anyways people.
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Old Apr 01, 2007, 02:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

elie, i have to say that.... that i really love this poem..

i love the part of making that character devious in love.. love the piece great stuff. and i never though some1 could use the riming sequence so well.. great stuff. and i might as well say it one last time for good lucky "great stuff"... 3rd times a charm.. well what i heard.
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Old Apr 02, 2007, 03:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers



Oh elie, why when you read your stuff I must always have a dictionary? xD

I love it. Its very "Whats the word" o.o If I was you. I would have made a more HAPPY poem.
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Old Apr 05, 2007, 10:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Deadly Flowers

I seemed to feel something similar for when I write my poetry when reading yours at the moment. Though there were some incoherencies I think with the title. I have difficulty to understand the final paragraph...maybe it's because I just woke up too ^.^

The rhyming seemed to flow pretty well, but I think that in todays standards, it is no longer necessary and I feel that you loose meaning in what you write unless you truly use the word you were searching for.

All in all, your story and poetry has evolved compared to what I first read from you, and all I can say is: keep up the good work and motivation of writing on XD
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