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Reply With Quoteits a good poem, but the problem is that you rhyming style is too basic to pass the ideas that are so complex. try mixing the style up. except for that, its a pretty good poem.
I’ll make you a deal
One I’m sure you’ll think is a steal
Just hear me out and don’t shout
Wait to see what it’s about
I’ll forget everything you said
All of the nasty comments going through my head
I’ll forget about the fight
Plus the backhand you gave me last night
I won’t follow through on the threats I made
For I’m the bigger person in this charade
I’ll let you win this battle now
I can’t believe I was with someone so foul
Count this victory as your last over me
From here on out I will be free
You only have to do one thing to make this pact
Completely forget about me and never look back
its a good poem, but the problem is that you rhyming style is too basic to pass the ideas that are so complex. try mixing the style up. except for that, its a pretty good poem.
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You tell him, Killer!I love it! Like Raimann said, the rhyme scheme (AABBCC . . .) is very basic, but I think you got the message through well enough.
Ooh.. agreed with rainmaan and divine...
Keep up the good work
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Oh, wow! I've had relationships like that! They SUCK!! LOL ^_^
Very nicely written. I love the rhyming in this one! I also like the emotion put in to this one. Had it been about anything else, I probably wouldn't like it as much (not to say you're bad--in fact you're a good writer). On a scale of one to ten, I give this a "hell yeah!"
Good job!
~S
DAMN fireandice, good job ont he poem it was GREAT I liked it. The flow was good. keep it up.
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Wow, thanks everyone. I haven't wrote that type of poem since school.lol I'm just a little out of practice on it. But I'll keep all the helpful suggestions in mind. Thank you all again.
Wow. . . very nice. Although it sounds to me as though someone is breaking up with someone. How sad. The rhyme helped convey the message quite clearly.
A big thanks to Renn for the sig! THANK YOU!
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