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Thread: Deal with a devil

  1. #1
    ~always by your side~ Radarix Champion, Virus 2 Champion, Virus 3 Champion fireandice is off to a good start fireandice's Avatar
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    Deal with a devil

    I’ll make you a deal
    One I’m sure you’ll think is a steal
    Just hear me out and don’t shout
    Wait to see what it’s about
    I’ll forget everything you said
    All of the nasty comments going through my head
    I’ll forget about the fight
    Plus the backhand you gave me last night
    I won’t follow through on the threats I made
    For I’m the bigger person in this charade
    I’ll let you win this battle now
    I can’t believe I was with someone so foul
    Count this victory as your last over me
    From here on out I will be free
    You only have to do one thing to make this pact
    Completely forget about me and never look back

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    Decapitation?DontBePicky! Raimann may be famous one day Raimann may be famous one day Raimann's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    its a good poem, but the problem is that you rhyming style is too basic to pass the ideas that are so complex. try mixing the style up. except for that, its a pretty good poem.

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    You tell him, Killer! I love it! Like Raimann said, the rhyme scheme (AABBCC . . .) is very basic, but I think you got the message through well enough.

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    Re: Deal with a devil

    Ooh.. agreed with rainmaan and divine... nice poem there ^^ you can "play" somemore with the rhyme to make it better ^^

    Keep up the good work

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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    Oh, wow! I've had relationships like that! They SUCK!! LOL ^_^

    Very nicely written. I love the rhyming in this one! I also like the emotion put in to this one. Had it been about anything else, I probably wouldn't like it as much (not to say you're bad--in fact you're a good writer). On a scale of one to ten, I give this a "hell yeah!"

    Good job!
    ~S


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    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    DAMN fireandice, good job ont he poem it was GREAT I liked it. The flow was good. keep it up.
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    ~always by your side~ Radarix Champion, Virus 2 Champion, Virus 3 Champion fireandice is off to a good start fireandice's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    Wow, thanks everyone. I haven't wrote that type of poem since school.lol I'm just a little out of practice on it. But I'll keep all the helpful suggestions in mind. Thank you all again.

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    Otaku Nodes Champion, Flames of Fury Champion shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz's Avatar
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    Re: Deal with a devil

    Wow. . . very nice. Although it sounds to me as though someone is breaking up with someone. How sad. The rhyme helped convey the message quite clearly.

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