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Thread: "death of a poet"

  1. #1
    Banned ABC Crazy Champion flaminghate may be famous one day flaminghate may be famous one day
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    "death of a poet"

    This poet is going to die,
    No matter what people say,
    We will all die anyway.

    I'm just speeding up my own death,
    Just for the hell of it,
    No one will care anyway.

    Because I'm just a useless "human" being,
    I won't matter to anyone,
    So I have this to say.

    "I am the sibling of the moon,
    The patron of the Devil
    And I listen to the wind
    Blowing bullets in the sand."

  2. #2
    Ever So Awesome Kaboom Champion, Archery Champion, Crazy Pool 2 Champion, Ninja-Boy Champion, Bubble Shooter Champion zyta may be famous one day zyta may be famous one day zyta's Avatar
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    Re: "death of a poet"

    Too against my beliefs to just give up, but I withstood the poem, now for the help.

    Using I'm and then switching to I am should be best avoided, using one or the other keeps the flow in the reader's mind at a constant. In the second stanza you were going good with your beat, but then it all goes to hell. If in doubt go for a beat of 8,7,8,7,8, ect. in your stanzas. Having a solid beat is crucial for an excellent poem.

    Lastly your word choice was okay, it at least got the message across to the reader. Keeping in mind with a constant beat flow, i'd recommend trying some synnonims if your beat comes up short or too long.

    Take die for example, you could say perish, deceiss(sp) to live, fade away, ect. Turning one word into many, or many into one is a helpful talent that will surely help you win contests.

    Visit my blog: Rewriting Life

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