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Thread: Death wings

  1. #1
    Newbie naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893's Avatar
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    Death wings

    life is but a dream on death's wings
    as the life of summer leaves
    by the fall of autum leaves
    till all of life is as baren as cold winter
    as the dark of knight falls
    so dose our own dout of life
    untill the sun rise a bove the k

    Thankx Highteckdudu

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    Newbie naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893's Avatar
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    Re: Death wings

    Quote Originally Posted by naruto_4893 View Post
    life is but a dream on death's wings
    as the life of summer leaves
    by the fall of autum leaves
    till all of life is as baren as cold winter
    as the dark of knight falls
    so dose our own dout of life
    untill the sun rise a bove the k
    need to finsh............................................. ..............

    Thankx Highteckdudu

  3. #3
    Newbie naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893's Avatar
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    Re: Death wings

    life is but a dream on death's wings
    as the life of summer leaves
    by the fall of autum leaves
    till all of life is as baren as cold winter
    as the dark of knight falls
    so dose our own dout of life
    untill the sun rise a bove the night
    with hope to douse our hate
    if love is a dream than sorrow is the nightmare
    and if we live with this nightmare
    than let me die on my bed of stone
    so that wings of death can carry me
    to the peace of darkness

    Thankx Highteckdudu

  4. #4
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Death wings

    ok so you do have a couple of spelling errors
    and you really shouldnt write it as a paragraph it makes it hard to read try adding space between one or two lines to stress your point
    and using repeition is good i gues but use synomyns and add more details
    but other than that i liked reading it
    =]
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

  5. #5
    Newbie naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893 may be famous one day naruto_4893's Avatar
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    Re: Death wings

    Quote Originally Posted by blackrose92 View Post
    ok so you do have a couple of spelling errors
    and you really shouldnt write it as a paragraph it makes it hard to read try adding space between one or two lines to stress your point
    and using repeition is good i gues but use synomyns and add more details
    but other than that i liked reading it
    =]
    well i was in a rush i was at school and had to hurry up and get it on there...
    now i have revised it and will put it up l8er

    Thankx Highteckdudu

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