Thread: Death wings

Originally Posted by naruto_4893

life is but a dream on death's wings
as the life of summer leaves
by the fall of autum leaves
till all of life is as baren as cold winter
as the dark of knight falls
so dose our own dout of life
untill the sun rise a bove the k

need to finsh............................................. ..............

life is but a dream on death's wings
as the life of summer leaves
by the fall of autum leaves
till all of life is as baren as cold winter
as the dark of knight falls
so dose our own dout of life
untill the sun rise a bove the night
with hope to douse our hate
if love is a dream than sorrow is the nightmare
and if we live with this nightmare
than let me die on my bed of stone
so that wings of death can carry me
to the peace of darkness

ok so you do have a couple of spelling errors
and you really shouldnt write it as a paragraph it makes it hard to read try adding space between one or two lines to stress your point
and using repeition is good i gues but use synomyns and add more details
but other than that i liked reading it
=]

Originally Posted by blackrose92

ok so you do have a couple of spelling errors
and you really shouldnt write it as a paragraph it makes it hard to read try adding space between one or two lines to stress your point
and using repeition is good i gues but use synomyns and add more details
but other than that i liked reading it
=]

well i was in a rush i was at school and had to hurry up and get it on there...
now i have revised it and will put it up l8er