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Thread: dedicated to my cousin

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    dedicated to my cousin

    Half his life he's always smoking
    He's always so dumb
    Other half he's drinking
    He think its so fun

    Can he help his brother
    Can he raise his son
    He doens't even care about his mom
    Now look what he done

    He's driving us away
    All he care is about himself
    He no longer wants to stay
    He cares about his wealth

    If he realized what he did wrong
    He should have known
    That we're gonna be gone
    And now he's alone



    dedicated to my cousin, and my brother
    god bless them

  2. #2
    Newbie evil_neko_youkai may be famous one day evil_neko_youkai may be famous one day
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    Re: deidicated to my couin

    I really liked it!! Will you show it to your cousin???

  3. #3
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: deidicated to my couin

    i don't know if thats a good idea, he doens't like the idea of me talking about him behind his back

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: dedicated to my cousin

    Nice poem hellsknight! I like the way you let the reader know what has happened and this poem basically tells us that no matter how much you think what you do doesn't hurt someone else it does and the one's it's hurting won't stand and let you continue to hurt them, so correct the problem before it's too late! Nice Job hellsknight!

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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: dedicated to my cousin

    Hellknight out of all your poems that I have read this one is my favorite. You did not try and force it to rhyme and that let it flow smoothly. Which is great!Unfortunatly one thing I was taught in school when we were forced to learn about poetry is that you don't start a line with "and" no matter what. Other then that one little fact your poem was perfect and awsome. I want you to continue with this type because it suites you well. Don't force something that isn't ment to be forced. You did a great job with the not rhyming for once and it worked out well.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  6. #6
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: dedicated to my cousin

    thanks for the support ky-lyrra and bluefox1, i appreciate it, and i'll do better on the next one soon

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