Dementia of the mind

59wayz · Feb 22, 2008, 06:52 AM

Pain is the expression on my face
Sweat is the fluid seeking through my pores
Is this a nightmare I ask myself
Then realization hits

The sweat is nothing more then a sign
A sign of my trouble
The sign of my pain
This is the things that's haunted me for years

My unconscious mind controls a lot
Mainly my dreams
The dreams of pain and horror
Primarily intense and excruciating pain

This is my nightmare
Whether I consciously know it or not
This is the dream I cannot escape
The dream I speak of is what I live in
The nightmare I speak of is known simply as my Purgatory

BrightShadow_96 · Feb 23, 2008, 08:30 AM

It's pretty good, though it doesn't flow very nicely. I would suggest rearranging it so that it flows better.

*atomik_sprout* · Feb 27, 2008, 10:46 AM

Very well written!

The flow is a bit off, but you've got this writing thing down. This is a pretty dark poem; darker than most of your work. I like darkness, so you won me over on this one.

But I DO have a question about the title...

What other kind of dimentia can there be? LOL.

Sorry man, it's just when I hear dimentia, I think to myself, "I wonder what it's like in that guys mind." If there are other forms of dimentia, I'd like to know. I'm so hungry, I might have dimentia of the belly.

Okay, I'm done jokin' with ya! Good job on your new poem, Pockets!

Feb 22, 2008, 06:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
59wayz Newbie Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 65 Thanks: 3 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 99	Dementia of the mind Pain is the expression on my face Sweat is the fluid seeking through my pores Is this a nightmare I ask myself Then realization hits The sweat is nothing more then a sign A sign of my trouble The sign of my pain This is the things that's haunted me for years My unconscious mind controls a lot Mainly my dreams The dreams of pain and horror Primarily intense and excruciating pain This is my nightmare Whether I consciously know it or not This is the dream I cannot escape The dream I speak of is what I live in The nightmare I speak of is known simply as my Purgatory __________________
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Feb 23, 2008, 08:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
BrightShadow_96 遁走より本当 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside Reality & Serenity Posts: 571 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 3,365	Re: Dementia of the mind It's pretty good, though it doesn't flow very nicely. I would suggest rearranging it so that it flows better. __________________
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Feb 27, 2008, 10:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
atomik_sprout CHUCK NORRIS!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,087 Thanks: 55 Thanked 69 Times in 64 Posts Credits: 110,749	Re: Dementia of the mind Very well written! The flow is a bit off, but you've got this writing thing down. This is a pretty dark poem; darker than most of your work. I like darkness, so you won me over on this one. But I DO have a question about the title... What other kind of dimentia can there be? LOL. Sorry man, it's just when I hear dimentia, I think to myself, "I wonder what it's like in that guys mind." If there are other forms of dimentia, I'd like to know. I'm so hungry, I might have dimentia of the belly. Okay, I'm done jokin' with ya! Good job on your new poem, Pockets! __________________ http://www.myspace.com/boondocksamurai
Status: Offline

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