Thread: Der Nacht

These are my suggestions, feel free to post it like this if you want or not. The last line of what i supose would be the bridge if this was a song was to bulky and forced. Although the line is great it does not fit well. I would say save it for another piece or use it as the base of anothr work. I added some lines but I also changed some. The changes are marked by the yellow. I hope this helps.

Piercing blackness
Lunar penumbra
Moon rise
Nyx opens her eyes
Shadows abound in night
not the street lights my friends
The glow after day ends
The lawn is lit by the moon
It kisses the lawns
hugs the buildings
flirts with stars before dawn
makes nightly apparitions
Such bright night is hard to believe

Up to edges of a lanterns escape
While the moon romances with the landscape
the lights get their fair share
Cities so bright I read in the twilight air
The red, yellow, and green neon greets wet city streets

I agree with those suggestions.
The song would be spoken word, those songs can be as long as they want to I think. Who knows how long the break would be in the song.