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Thread: Der Nacht

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    Angsty Goth Teenager SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128's Avatar
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    Der Nacht

    This is a set of lyrics I keep adding to. It is inspired by the night in my area... obviously. I tried to add metaphors and what-not... I try. Any suggestions?

    Piercing blackness
    Lunar penumbra
    Moon rise
    Shadows abound in night
    not the street lights my friends
    The lawn is lit by the moon
    It kisses the lawns
    hugs the buildings
    makes nightly apparitions
    In the night it's hard to believe

    While the moon romances with the landscape
    the lights get their fair share
    The red, yellow, and green neon kiss wet city streets
    while they neuromance with drivers
    bigomy


    Tell me what you think!
    Last edited by SamuraiDude128; Jun 19, 2009 at 03:48 PM.

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Der Nacht

    These are my suggestions, feel free to post it like this if you want or not. The last line of what i supose would be the bridge if this was a song was to bulky and forced. Although the line is great it does not fit well. I would say save it for another piece or use it as the base of anothr work. I added some lines but I also changed some. The changes are marked by the yellow. I hope this helps.

    Piercing blackness
    Lunar penumbra
    Moon rise
    Nyx opens her eyes
    Shadows abound in night
    not the street lights my friends
    The glow after day ends
    The lawn is lit by the moon
    It kisses the lawns
    hugs the buildings
    flirts with stars before dawn
    makes nightly apparitions
    Such bright night is hard to believe

    Up to edges of a lanterns escape
    While the moon romances with the landscape
    the lights get their fair share
    Cities so bright I read in the twilight air
    The red, yellow, and green neon greets wet city streets

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    SamuraiDude128 (Jun 22, 2009)

  4. #3
    Angsty Goth Teenager SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128's Avatar
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    Re: Der Nacht

    I agree with those suggestions.
    The song would be spoken word, those songs can be as long as they want to I think. Who knows how long the break would be in the song.

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