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Thread: Desire to be yours...

  1. #1
    Otaku ryomakurosaki is off to a good start ryomakurosaki's Avatar
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    Desire to be yours...

    Desire to be yours…

    All I wanted to do
    is to be with you…
    To be in those arms,
    to stare into those eyes, and
    to kiss those lips...

    You’re the one,
    who took the time to know me.
    When people just turned away…
    You’re the friend that stays close by,
    even when I want to be alone.

    Every time you hold my hand
    I feel my heartbeat quicken.
    Gently you kiss my cheek and say good bye
    But I don’t understand stand why?
    All I desire is to be yours….

    Finally you say those words…
    "I love you"..
    And the love we have never seems to fade…
    It never seems to fly away...
    but best of all it never runs away.

    Yup since people said my poems seems sad but it's filled with love, I tried to make it happy and about love. ^^ tell me if i did a good job ^^
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  2. #2
    Otaku katsoyori33 is off to a good start katsoyori33's Avatar
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    Re: Desire to be yours...

    I love it! great job! my fave so far! keep it up! your going to be famous at this rate!


    Meow. :3

  3. #3
    Otaku DEMON SPAWN may be famous one day DEMON SPAWN may be famous one day DEMON SPAWN's Avatar
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    Re: Desire to be yours...

    thats really awesome! I like the way its worded and how it flows. great job
    it seems kinda sad at the beginning but, gets happier at the end.

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Desire to be yours...

    lol ^^ Your poems deffinetely don't seem sad Ryoma, they are all very nice and lovely, you a very optimistic person most of the time

    This seemed a bit sadder though, but it has a good ending ^^

    I would have loved it though if you would have explained more about this relationship... The peom seemed to end just so suddenly... I urged to read more ^^

    This poem really crated an immage in my head. Somehow these lines:
    "Every time you hold my hand
    I feel my heartbeat quicken."
    Mixed together in my head with these:
    "Finally you say those words…
    "I love you"..."
    And it created a nice immage in my mind ^^ So nice work with that- with making me imagine ^^ Well I hope to see more ^^

    I'm going to get back to posting more in the poem section I think... at least on the poems which don't make me feel sad when I read them ^^
    Last edited by Lasura; Jan 15, 2008 at 02:57 PM.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Desire to be yours...

    This poem is fantastic (as usual) and the stuff that follows is merely suggestion nothing more... If I've caught the idea behind the piece correctly then they might help but don't feel pressured into making these changes just because someone suggested them.

    "You’re the friend that stays close by,
    even when I want to be alone."

    This is fine the way it is I'm only suggesting that you could possibly replace that with who (it doesn't really make much of a difference) it might make it just a little more personaly and attatched.
    I'll get chewed for this suggestion but it's poetry but you're allowed to do this because it's poetry and not prose
    "And the love we have never seems to fade…"
    now there could be a pause in the momentum here.
    so :
    And the love we have, never seems to fade…
    it's a small change but it will make a world of a difference and remove ambiguity.

    I truly love reading your art.especially the simplicity and the way you focus on the inner part of the feelings as they are without the complications of the way things seem because of the filter of emotion.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

  6. #6
    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: Desire to be yours...

    Amazing!! Once again i'm spechless!! Such wonderful wording!! You can just feel the love from this!! Awesome job!!! ^___^
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

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