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Thread: Did I reach you?

  1. #1
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Did I reach you?

    I'm closing my eyes,
    I shed my tears.
    I'm thinking of you;
    and feel the grief.

    I'm sitting alone,
    Watching the birds.
    I'm waiting alone,
    And feel the ache.

    I'm calling for you;
    and I wonder why,
    Why my voice keep echoing
    in the wide?

    I'm sitting alone,
    I'm closing my eyes,
    I'm calling for you,
    And I wonder why...


    Aba,can you hear my voice
    even though you are not here?
    Can you see my tears
    Although you are not near?

    Can you? or not?
    My mind and soul won't
    let it go.
    My heart is still waiting
    for your call.

    Daddy,
    did I reach your
    soul?

    I'll wait forever for your call...

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  2. #2
    Chtonian Slayer Astaroth may be famous one day Astaroth's Avatar
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    Re: Did I reach you?

    Simple.....but very sad and full of sad emotions and feelings...........
    Also your rhythm is a little bit off......but you did a nice job
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

  3. #3
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Did I reach you?

    i agree. A little off the rhyming but still quite good. It shows the emotions quite powerful and very good job^-^
    ♥ to hear more from you

    ♥~*The princess*~♥
    Yeah, Bye.

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Did I reach you?

    Awww... this is so sad.... @.@ Nicely written too... Lovely...

    Hmm... the repetition is good, the word use is good, but it seems not to flow that good at some places like here:
    Why my voice keep echoing
    in the wide?
    And at the end I would have dealed the poem in lines differently.

    But alltogether- it's a nice, heartmoving poem ^^ I hope to see more

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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