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Thread: Dirty old man.

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Dirty old man.

    Ugly words trickle from your mouth,
    Like that last beer you poured in there.
    They boil in my blood and make me not care.
    About who I insult and I do dare.
    In your sleep I will catch you,
    With my knife upon your throat.
    Plunging deep and slicing up,
    Ripping those dirty words from your mouth.
    Next comes your tongue, tugged and then severed.
    And you'll say no more, forever.
    Left there in your own life essence,
    I bet you wish you'd done so much different.
    That your son was a real man and gave you grandchildren,
    And would have a family.
    That your daughter wasn't the lonliest 11 year old on earth.
    That the other boy wasn't the laziest little "michael" type psycho!
    Crazy ass psycho's worse then even ME!
    And you have dirty words to spit in my direction?
    I spit in your face as the bubbles slow to a stop.
    Your breathing has ended.
    Now you are naught!
    Who's the c*nt now?
    Dirty old man.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Re: Dirty old man.

    There as many meaningful words within the poem and it showed you anger really well. It kept me hooked on reading till the end to find out what happened.

    It was really well written with a good choice of words to help describe the pain you felt from an older relative whom from what I felt you were seeking acceptance yet all you received in return nothing by harsh words that cut you deep inside.

    I really liked this poem, its been one of the best that I have seen from you, keep up the good work
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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Dirty old man.

    Whooo!!! You told that dirty old man what's what! LOL.

    I like this one. I think it's because I don't think I've ever seen you express this much anger before in your previous works. The structure was kinda iffy, but it didn't taint the purpose of this poem what-so-ever.

    In your sleep I will catch you,
    With my knife upon your throat.
    That's kinda scary, LOL. That's gotta be like the best/scariest line in the whole poem. I like it!
    That your daughter wasn't the lonliest 11 year old on earth.
    Poor, poor Jaz.... This part kinda made me feel bad, just cuz now I know why that poor girl hits me up on MySpace so much now. T_T

    This poem is very well written, I hope to read more from ya.


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    Re: Dirty old man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sazzy View Post
    There as many meaningful words within the poem and it showed you anger really well. It kept me hooked on reading till the end to find out what happened.

    It was really well written with a good choice of words to help describe the pain you felt from an older relative whom from what I felt you were seeking acceptance yet all you received in return nothing by harsh words that cut you deep inside.

    I really liked this poem, its been one of the best that I have seen from you, keep up the good work
    Wow. Thank you! It means a lot to me that you found tis so well written. I am really pleased with the wording in this as well. You were close to the situation that happened. But it wasn't my relitive it was my boyfriends father. I seek acceptance in a lot of people and for some reason it's really important to me that my significant others parents like or at least approve of me. And I've done a lot to be respectful and to try to keep him from at least not disliking me and it hurts a lot that it's fruitless. But the total disrespect of what happened made me pretty anry. Thanks so much for your comment.
    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    Whooo!!! You told that dirty old man what's what! LOL.

    I like this one. I think it's because I don't think I've ever seen you express this much anger before in your previous works. The structure was kinda iffy, but it didn't taint the purpose of this poem what-so-ever.



    That's kinda scary, LOL. That's gotta be like the best/scariest line in the whole poem. I like it! Poor, poor Jaz.... This part kinda made me feel bad, just cuz now I know why that poor girl hits me up on MySpace so much now. T_T

    This poem is very well written, I hope to read more from ya.
    Yeah.....well. I'm pretty scared of my anger and always have been. But I had to do something about this to get it out of my system because I was too hurt and too angry. The structure seems off because I paid NO attention to it. I just wrote what I ffelt like was right for it.

    Yah... I like the whole thing but you picked out my favorite parts to commnt on.
    She's the smartest most mature eleven year old so she doesn't fit in with the lil girls in her class much, she doesn't really have anyone to confide in because her closest friend is a boy crazy gossip and the other girls take turns being mad at her for this or that stupid stuff.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Dirty old man.

    very awesomepomethe anger can really be felt sort of makes
    me feel bad for being 35 >.> lol anyway thispoem really
    does show how older poepleneed to repsct the younger if they want the young to resoect them.

    this pome is your best yet
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

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    Re: Dirty old man.

    Quote Originally Posted by HolderOfTheDarkChalice View Post
    very awesomepomethe anger can really be felt sort of makes
    me feel bad for being 35 >.> lol anyway thispoem really
    does show how older poepleneed to repsct the younger if they want the young to resoect them.

    this pome is your best yet
    That means more to me then the dolphins mean to Hayden Pantier or whatever that girl from heroes name is! Wow. Your a fabulous writer and I'm honored you liked this so much.

    I don't think 35 is old personally! My mom is my BEST friend, aside from Atomik_sprout of course. But yeah, you know, you got the message pretty clearly. Thanks so much!

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Re: Dirty old man.

    WOW!!!!!!
    WOW!!!!
    Very angry poems. Peach was right. You do have a way wih words and emotions.
    I liked it. Very...dark....and well suited for the gore addicted people who lust on ones depression.
    It was nice

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    Re: Dirty old man.

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslady View Post
    WOW!!!!!!
    WOW!!!!
    Very angry poems. Peach was right. You do have a way wih words and emotions.
    I liked it. Very...dark....and well suited for the gore addicted people who lust on ones depression.
    It was nice
    Woooo! I appricite it. Thank you. She said that about me? Wow.
    I like dark ... And gore is sometimes fun.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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