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Thread: do you rember?

  1. #9
    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: do you rember?

    ouch! i wonder how a human heart can take too much pain...
    Move on kid... about the poem, its alright..
    try to add emotions on the words..
    something like:
    "soft touch"
    "warm kisses"
    ya know what i mean, it will make the poem alive... somehow..
    hehehehe

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  2. #10
    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
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    Re: do you rember?

    oh I know how it feels kinda.
    I just leardned to move on.
    But the poem is good.
    It shows how you feel and thats what matters most.
    Well I can't wait to see more.(^.^)

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

  3. #11
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: do you rember?

    This is an all right poem, angel. I believe it could have been better, but it was all right. Nice job.

  4. #12
    Otaku Angel_in_hell is off to a good start
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    Re: do you rember?

    i dont really pay attentiom to grammer and such! i am not very smart when it comes to things like that! sorry! but thank you for all of ur advice i really apprecate it! (SP)

    IN THE END IT DOSENT EVEN MATTER

  5. #13
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: do you rember?

    Quote Originally Posted by Angel_in_hell View Post
    i dont really pay attentiom to grammer and such! i am not very smart when it comes to things like that! sorry! but thank you for all of ur advice i really apprecate it! (SP)
    Well, grammar is major component of writing. You should practice it before posting any pieces that society would read.
    Seduced by Flesh


  6. #14
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
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    Re: do you rember?

    A poem of expression - I'm guessing you wrote it for the reason that you want to let out some things inside of you rather than present something for the audience. If that's the case, I guess the simplicity of your piece can't be argued about. Nevertheless, if you're going to post a poem, the least you can do is to check grammar (such as the wrong spelled words and the wrong punctuation marks) and make it presentable. Grammar is the backbone of any form of writing, so if you have bad grammar and spelling, it will inevitably ruin the piece. This is just what I think - if you're going to post something, make sure you've given your work enough time to be edited, and so give respect to your audience.

    I like the thought of your poem. The others were right - the repetition does make it stick. However, I think you can do better if you added more images and details, made your poem more specific in some things to make it more emotional.

  7. #15
    Otaku Angel_in_hell is off to a good start
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    Re: do you rember?

    like i said before i will work on it and the next one that i post will be alot better then before! that i do promise!

    IN THE END IT DOSENT EVEN MATTER

  8. #16
    Shichibukai JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie's Avatar
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    Re: do you rember?

    Apart from the spelling,i have to say that is a touching poem.It is soo....sad and romantic at the same time.

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