+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Done by dawn.

  1. #1
    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    In my own imagination
    Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts

    Done by dawn.

    When the clock strikes damn
    our love will be done.
    So will your lies,
    and my head numbing replies.

    No! I dont want to know were you've been
    or why you persist
    To give me a kiss
    in a situation like this.

    I'm a woman with a heart
    in my chest, and a brain in my head.
    While your a man with brain
    in your baggy Lee Jeans.

    Leave me alone please and let me
    reasset why i put up with you
    Because I know you cant do the things you use to.
    And love dont live in this house.

    Love dont live here because she brakes things,
    Like my heart, and your devotion.
    She steals too. Like your sense.
    But she's nice enough at night to hand you the lotion.

    I'm done by dawn with this love.
    Take the one who is better then me and
    care for her. Because maybe she
    Is isnt a woman like me.

    Its about a woman leaving her husband after he cheated.
    Shippo is determined to become a lvl higher
    I'm a solider of Pen and Paper!
    <3 Atomik_Sprout <3

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Shippo101 For This Useful Post:

    !beast (Aug 17, 2009)

  3. #2
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Michigan United States
    Thanked 132 Times in 126 Posts

    Re: Done by dawn.

    This is so much more structured and powerful than the other stuff I have seen. You know this evokes such a vivid image, which is that of a woman pushing a guy away who is trying to kiss her, which I have seen a few times. The fifth stanza were you contrast love with sex is amazing. The second in last stanzas where the man is blown off is great.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to beast For This Useful Post:

    Shippo101 (Aug 17, 2009)

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)
    By FLawEdmiNd in forum POTM (Poem of the Month)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Dec 25, 2008, 04:29 AM
  2. Break Dawn
    By dark1angel in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jun 05, 2008, 01:35 PM
  3. Black Dawn
    By OfeliasFire in forum Fanfics
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: Jul 05, 2007, 08:34 PM
  4. Dawn of war, Which is best? DoW, DoW WA or DoW DC?
    By Takarako in forum Sensory Pleasures
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Oct 03, 2006, 04:23 PM
  5. Dusk and Dawn
    By dark angel swordsman in forum Poems
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: Apr 11, 2006, 01:25 PM


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts