Don't Encourage a Cough

This is supposed to be a ballad. A ballad of the drunk if you will. I am not too keen on writing ballads and would like your feedback before i post this in our clan forum. I guess its supposed to tell a story with four lines of seperation. Please give me your honesty!!:2thumbs:


A feverish night over comes us
Plunging into bottles
Beauty’s bar has been lowered
By a six pack of ale

Laughs explode from our bellies
Belching out a song of drunken mastery
Reddened faces spell a story
Glazed over eyed comradery

Enjoying the night we won’t remember
Spilling honesty like wine
Moving unseen boundaries happily
Exposing benefits to disconnected friendships

Watching the night inch away
Using toilets as pillows
A cool surface to cool the nerves
Losing composure modestly

Eyelids yield to an unwelcome sun
Headaches giving evidence unclearly
An unquenchable thirst moves me
Unaware of last night’s intoxicated foxtrot

i say one hell of a party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I like the very last few lines you wrote Myssy, very powerful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by princesslady

i say one hell of a party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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:D:D i agree whole heartedly princess.

Why thank you! But i was looking for constructive criticzm! But its ok!!!

sounds like a blast time of fun~!!!
XD
for once.. a positive non-emo poem I am reading~! XD
baa~!!

very good.... and that mustve been one hell of a party

it flows wells n the description is good.....i can definitiely relate to it n stuff

it's cool keep it up