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Thread: doors

  1. #1
    Newbie alchemist_of_death may be famous one day alchemist_of_death may be famous one day alchemist_of_death's Avatar
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    doors

    i am here waiting,
    an hour has pass,
    and yet i sit an wait,
    two hours and still nothing,
    i walk from side to side,
    what to do what do to,
    she will say "no" that
    is what she will say,
    she might say "yes",
    time is running out
    the door is almost close,
    what will she say what,
    the door is almost close,
    light barely passes,
    i said what i felt and now that
    the door is closing i leave it to
    destiny, and i pray and hope
    that she will say yes even if its
    to a friendship, or she might
    turn her back like in the past... and let me die....
    death is not a final goodbey...but...a see you later.
    by me ^_^.



  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Capitalization and correct punctuation, fellow otaku.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    I agree with Kasai, except there are a few spelling errors as well....Otaku?? I didn't see any proof that this user is an Otaku!

    The poem is somewhat difficult to understand at times and repeats words in a way that just doesn't completely seem right. Is it to make a certain effect? But for posting it up here, it's already plenty so keep practicing and you'll ge the hang of it, though I did notice that there was a feeling behind this all
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  4. #4
    Newbie alchemist_of_death may be famous one day alchemist_of_death may be famous one day alchemist_of_death's Avatar
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    Re: doors

    oh yeah sorry i tend to just write them i dont really pay too much atttention to gramamr i know i should lol lil try ok. sorry if its hard to read.
    death is not a final goodbey...but...a see you later.
    by me ^_^.



  5. #5
    Otaku Kaijudozero may be famous one day Kaijudozero may be famous one day
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    Re: doors

    cant fully understand your poem but i understand what u mean to the point of writing this but some better grammar would help!
    Emotions tend to lose their strength when put in words, So I prefer to speak only what is absolutely necessary..

    Kaijudozero.deviantart.com

  6. #6
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: doors

    grammer is the key mistake I see here, but other than that the feeling that you are putting into this is clear!

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