The sound echoes..
With the same rhythm of my footsteps.
Every step i take gets burdenful.
It gets harder and harder to move.
I must get there.
I see nothing in this blindness.
Not even a trace of light.
The pain gets more and more intense.
Worse than a migraine worse than anything.
The dripping slows it rhythm.
So does my foot steps.
I fell and starts to crawl.
It gets silence now.
I hear nothing.
My body is cold, so cold...
The trace left by me is long and red.
Starts from nowhere and ended nowhere.
I like this really much!!!! Again you created the scene right in front of me and made me sad and pitiful...
One of your best, I think...
True, the best one you wrote so far Nice repetition of "Drip". Overall I'll give it 9.9 out of 10. Very good ^_^.
ooohhhhhh RayMe its good!!!!
I love the imagery
but the topic is so sad
^^ ty.. ahh.. not that great.. u are exagravating it rave xD
Ahh.. the most beautiful gift given by god.. im just using it kimi.. ^^ it's called imagination...
u think so Lasura? ...im thinking of wanna make a poem that would make rave say... HOLY SHYT~!...10/10 xD
Yeah... I bet you can do it!!!! I would gice 10/10 for this one too!!! I just like this really much... I can read it again and again...
Originally Posted by RayMe
This poem gave me chills, but not in a bad way. ^_^ I like the the sad and dripping scheme, but the flow was interupted. Somewhere in it I got hung up on a stanza. I can't say where, but somewhere the flow got interupted. ^_^ A pretty good right non the less. Keep it up, I look forward to reading more of your poems!
Come dance in the rain with me, no one is watching.