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Thread: Elie26's work

  1. #1
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Elie26's work

    i decided on making a thread for ALL my works. tis is one of my newest piece.

    PLZ COMMENT HONESTLY ON ALL WORKS, NO MATTER GOOD OR BAD. ALL COMMENTS AND OPINIONS ARE RESPECTED AND APPRECIATED. Thank you. ^^

    Unwinding the truth of me

    I’m stuck here alone, mesmerized by the outside view
    The sun has finally set, a reflection of my life
    Come forth sky and take me with you
    I live in a world of emptiness and death
    Life of un-ending suffering and pain

    Reality in my eyes is merely a live stage
    Played by the main actors and actresses
    Hoping to get one shine of glamour and fame
    A fake to impress in the eyes of others
    And it shall slowly fade away when the time passes by

    I bear the mark of disgrace in my blood
    The shame I’ve caused is undeniably unforgivable
    I packed my bags and left long ago without my heart
    The figure you see now is nothing but a fragment of who I once was
    My feelings have since then vanished and turned into a all-one emotion of depression

    I’m coming back down, landing on my knees
    I tried to hide and cover, but all I got was loneliness
    I can’t stand the faults, the crimes and sins
    Holding for so long drained me emotionally and physically
    I long for the familiar sounds of care and warmth

    Cry out loud, leaning on your shoulders
    Shedding the skin and revealing what’s really inside me
    A fragile piece of thread, hanging on the other

    The rain has stopped, the wind has calmed
    The nightmares are gone, the clouds have unfolded
    Look outside the window…… and live……
    Last edited by elie26; Jun 24, 2006 at 10:52 PM.

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    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    Re: Elie26's work

    From a dark lonely person just watching the world go to a reborned person who is willing to go out into the world and live. Tht is how the person has travelled within this poem. It's awesome, elie. Keep it up.

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

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    Re: Elie26's work

    The rain has stopped, the wind has calmed
    The nightmares has gone, the clouds has unfold
    Look outside the window…… and live……
    I like those lines, because they tell me what the poet is really thinking about, and also those are the words I said to you ^_^

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    Mercenary SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara's Avatar
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    Re: Elie26's work

    Maybe I should post here the first time..... After I read this, I feel darker in myself..... I will make the next episode more darker than I thought today..... Nice poem Elie, I like your style.....

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    Re: Elie26's work

    I like it the last part not so much it seemed forced it really didnt flow with the rest of it I think you may have tried to purposely shorten it but I like it though


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    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Elie26's work

    Haha, I love the 2nd paragraph! The main reason is because it made some sort of reference to Macbeth by Shakespeare ^_^ I love the way he used the stage and actors to portray the life of a person. Nice literary skillz elie

    Another thing.... this poem isnt based on a real experience is it? It's quite explicitly described, and I really hope that this is not someone's plea.....

    And the last paragraph, I quite agree with Zack. But it was hardly noticeable (I only really noticed when I read Zack's post ^_^;

    But otherwise, another elie masterpiece ^_^
    Kastelic's creation



  7. #7
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Elie26's work

    Quote Originally Posted by bassdudez
    Haha, I love the 2nd paragraph! The main reason is because it made some sort of reference to Macbeth by Shakespeare ^_^ I love the way he used the stage and actors to portray the life of a person. Nice literary skillz elie

    Another thing.... this poem isnt based on a real experience is it? It's quite explicitly described, and I really hope that this is not someone's plea.....

    And the last paragraph, I quite agree with Zack. But it was hardly noticeable (I only really noticed when I read Zack's post ^_^;

    But otherwise, another elie masterpiece ^_^
    ur right, the second stanza was kinda from shakespear's Life Brief Candle....i wanted to use the candle part too but i didn'd, incase it sounded too much like it o.O tis is more of a fictional poem...not real....
    i found out that when u read the last stanza...u guyz WERE RIGHT....it sounded very...rushed...thx anyways

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    Re: Elie26's work

    nice poem elie... it seem a bit more on the darker side, but i like it. my favourite stanza would have to be the forth one. and u put shakespear in, i don't know how some one can make that sound good, heck i didn't even notice it. anyway keep up the nice work.

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