emptiness

i used to feel you in my arms
with your light touches of warmth
the gentle whisper of my name on your lips
The power in your finger tips

The you vanished
into thin air
With a simple yes
Now there's only death

Just rip my heart out
Broken in two
And leave me here to die
Just take my life

Let me bleed
my last lounce of life
As a slow and painful death
Comes to life

I lie here in the darkness
Where i waited for you
Waiting for a shooting star
So i can Wish i were dead

No longer would i feel the pain
The emptiness in my heart


Please.. if you like it thank you if you don't... well you don't.

i like your poetry Jamie5192
it's nice but i think you were a little sad when you wrote it
your taking about the separation of two souls that were together
the boy ripped the girls heart and let her die of pain,she waited for the boy to come back but he didn't,in the end the girls wish is that she was dead so she can't feel the pain.

An interesting poem.
I didn't quite think it flowed together very well, or were you going for the clashing effect?
Some of the grammar is . . . off.
but, after reading into what it is, it seems to go deeply into wanting to die when hanging onto a thread of life but you can't let go.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shadowrulz

An interesting poem.
I didn't quite think it flowed together very well, or were you going for the clashing effect?
Some of the grammar is . . . off.
but, after reading into what it is, it seems to go deeply into wanting to die when hanging onto a thread of life but you can't let go.

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yea .. i know you right. Thanks for the help^^ i'll do better next time shadow. I'll practice and get better..

This poem.. :/ is very sad...it's nicely done..conveys the feeling through and out...nicely done.. !

Hope to read more of urs jamie ^^ keep up the good work :2thumbs:

I agree with everyone here jamie it is a good poem and I liked it alot. although sad and I could feel the pain you put into it I still like it because it was full of emotion and that just makdes it that much better anyways so yeah.