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Thread: emptiness

  1. #1
    Banned Jamie5192 is off to a good start Jamie5192's Avatar
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    emptiness

    i used to feel you in my arms
    with your light touches of warmth
    the gentle whisper of my name on your lips
    The power in your finger tips

    The you vanished
    into thin air
    With a simple yes
    Now there's only death

    Just rip my heart out
    Broken in two
    And leave me here to die
    Just take my life

    Let me bleed
    my last lounce of life
    As a slow and painful death
    Comes to life

    I lie here in the darkness
    Where i waited for you
    Waiting for a shooting star
    So i can Wish i were dead

    No longer would i feel the pain
    The emptiness in my heart


    Please.. if you like it thank you if you don't... well you don't.

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    Otaku arekandera is off to a good start arekandera's Avatar
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    Re: emptiness

    i like your poetry Jamie5192
    it's nice but i think you were a little sad when you wrote it
    your taking about the separation of two souls that were together
    the boy ripped the girls heart and let her die of pain,she waited for the boy to come back but he didn't,in the end the girls wish is that she was dead so she can't feel the pain.

    "If you need something to worship, then worship life - all life, every last crawling bit of it! We're all in this beauty together!" - Frank Herbert

  3. #3
    Otaku Nodes Champion, Flames of Fury Champion shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz may be famous one day shadowrulz's Avatar
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    Re: emptiness

    An interesting poem.
    I didn't quite think it flowed together very well, or were you going for the clashing effect?
    Some of the grammar is . . . off.
    but, after reading into what it is, it seems to go deeply into wanting to die when hanging onto a thread of life but you can't let go.

    A big thanks to Renn for the sig! THANK YOU!

  4. #4
    Banned Jamie5192 is off to a good start Jamie5192's Avatar
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    Re: emptiness

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowrulz View Post
    An interesting poem.
    I didn't quite think it flowed together very well, or were you going for the clashing effect?
    Some of the grammar is . . . off.
    but, after reading into what it is, it seems to go deeply into wanting to die when hanging onto a thread of life but you can't let go.
    yea .. i know you right. Thanks for the help^^ i'll do better next time shadow. I'll practice and get better..

  5. #5
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    Re: emptiness

    This poem.. :/ is very sad...it's nicely done..conveys the feeling through and out...nicely done.. !

    Hope to read more of urs jamie ^^ keep up the good work

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    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: emptiness

    I agree with everyone here jamie it is a good poem and I liked it alot. although sad and I could feel the pain you put into it I still like it because it was full of emotion and that just makdes it that much better anyways so yeah.
    ナサン フォオツド
    Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
    Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173

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