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Thread: Empty mind

  1. #1
    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
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    Empty mind

    ''Walking in circles''
    ''looking for answer''
    '' trying not to lose my temper''
    '' afraid of making an opening to others''
    '' not making any sense when it comes to speak''
    '' to people that surround will u seat''
    '' afraid of taking hand''
    ''afraid of sinking on the hands of god''
    '' things that are out in the world''
    '' just like looking a treasure full of pearls''
    '' looking for a sign''
    '' of life and hapinnes''
    ''for the empty mind.mind,mind''



    perdoname michelle!

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Empty mind

    Well, I dont understand the use of the quotations... I'd like to see some elaboration. This poem seemed like bare bones work. Not enough thought process put into it.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Empty mind

    A free verse poem, nice peom man, i don't really mind the quotes.

  4. #4
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Empty mind

    i like how you echoed the end of the poe like the mind was empty
    very uniqe way of ending a poem i like it
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  5. #5
    Otaku deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat's Avatar
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    Re: Empty mind

    i like your theme, really nice

  6. #6
    Newbie Miki. may be famous one day Miki. may be famous one day Miki.'s Avatar
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    Re: Empty mind

    I understood it overall and i like the idea of the poem but you make some things more stand out like you should elaborate like Kasai san said. Just work more on this poem. ^^

    ! Rescue me from this loneliness !

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