This poem reminds me of two things, one of those relaxation cds in the hotels that help you sleep, and that massage I got two weeks ago...wooohooo.
Maybe you should use smaller and smaller words.
Enjoy
I wish for you to enjoy, so
Lay back, lay back, and enjoy
Exhale and allow your worries to slip
Lay back, lay back, and enjoy
Move your stress down, down
Lay back, lay back, and enjoy
Let tension you have pent up collect
Lay back, lay back and enjoy
Watch and permit me to lap up your worry savor your stress, and devour your tension.
Lay back, lay back and enjoy
Relief and freedom from your troubles my gift, so
Lay back, lay back and enjoy.
I was reading something the other day, and was struck with "Divine" intervention.
I think this one is less intense, but I guess you could say its a companion to "The Path Down".
http://www.animeonline.net/f29/path-down-32541
Well tell me what you think. If its "enjoyed" (Oh Mech), and I can get my one track mind to go in a different direction. I'll try one that's more hmmmmm, BOLD! ^__^
I BELONG TO AN ANGEL NOW!
This poem reminds me of two things, one of those relaxation cds in the hotels that help you sleep, and that massage I got two weeks ago...wooohooo.
Maybe you should use smaller and smaller words.
'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart
I love the provocative but not vulgar style with this and it's "sister" poem. Your a fabulous writer. Keep it up!
You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
You definitely have a way of saying things that could be taken one way or another. You have a very good talent for that type of stuff. Keep up the great work. Poems like this make people sit up and ... well.. take notice.
'
This one isn't quite as sensual as "The path down". But I still enjoyed the concept very much. I think what was so special about the other poem was your use of creative and descriptive wording.
Still very nice.... I think you should make a whole series of these. yeah........
... Not Ever Again...
rele loved this style. most members have the simple a-b rhyme format, but the way you wrote it made it more of a dream-type or relaxation poem, which was a great part on your behalf. for imagery, it was pretty cool. reading your poem brought back memories of times when i was young and life was rele simple. rele enjoyed this poem. keep up the writing Mechazawa![]()
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http://www.animeonline.net/f5/nfl-football-31440/
Hmm... sounds very relaxingxD
nicely done.. the flow is good... and the repitition makes the poem concertrate on relaxing as the way to enjoy... nicely done... i think i have a poem like this too... but it's about peace..![]()
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This sounds really, really good!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love the unique usage of words!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job!!!!!!!!!!
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