Escaping the world

Let me know if their are any improvements I should make. Time and again I try escape

But these bounds hold me tight in their deadly embrace



Again and again I see the light

I try to draw closer, I pull and fight

But i can not break free, try as I might



I stumble and choke, I cannot breath

But as far as the world can see I am free

They do not look they do not see

Do not turn as I try to breath

Do not care what I could be



Slowly and silently I am slipping away

I am falling, I’m falling time will not delay

The light is fading it is turning away

Alone and silent I lay



I will not give in

I cannot let go

I will not give up on this world that I know



I pull towards that light

I pull and I fight

I gather all of my strength and all my might



Soon this world will see all that I am and all I can be

Excellent. The rhyme schemes are stronger than in Darkness. In two poems you have sort of surfaced with this signature style that blends brooding with existentialism. You should be proud of that but you need to show a range.

If you can only write about a certain subject matter it is conceit or weakness. Try to step out of your comfort zone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by beast

Excellent. The rhyme schemes are stronger than in Darkness. In two poems you have sort of surfaced with this signature style that blends brooding with existentialism. You should be proud of that but you need to show a range.

If you can only write about a certain subject matter it is conceit or weakness. Try to step out of your comfort zone.

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Thanks for the advice! Thees are just a few of the ones I have written most are still in notebooks. I have actually started working on expanding my rang, The Shuffle Alliance was the first. I have one that I just wrote that is completely different style than usual, I do not like it but I will go ahead and post it to see what advice you can give me. the title will be, The Victory of the Dragon.:help:Thanks