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Thread: Escaping the world

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Escaping the world

    Let me know if their are any improvements I should make. Time and again I try escape

    But these bounds hold me tight in their deadly embrace



    Again and again I see the light

    I try to draw closer, I pull and fight

    But i can not break free, try as I might



    I stumble and choke, I cannot breath

    But as far as the world can see I am free

    They do not look they do not see

    Do not turn as I try to breath

    Do not care what I could be



    Slowly and silently I am slipping away

    I am falling, I’m falling time will not delay

    The light is fading it is turning away

    Alone and silent I lay



    I will not give in

    I cannot let go

    I will not give up on this world that I know



    I pull towards that light

    I pull and I fight

    I gather all of my strength and all my might



    Soon this world will see all that I am and all I can be

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Escaping the world

    Excellent. The rhyme schemes are stronger than in Darkness. In two poems you have sort of surfaced with this signature style that blends brooding with existentialism. You should be proud of that but you need to show a range.

    If you can only write about a certain subject matter it is conceit or weakness. Try to step out of your comfort zone.

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    kingmustang (Apr 07, 2010)

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: Escaping the world

    Quote Originally Posted by beast View Post
    Excellent. The rhyme schemes are stronger than in Darkness. In two poems you have sort of surfaced with this signature style that blends brooding with existentialism. You should be proud of that but you need to show a range.

    If you can only write about a certain subject matter it is conceit or weakness. Try to step out of your comfort zone.
    Thanks for the advice! Thees are just a few of the ones I have written most are still in notebooks. I have actually started working on expanding my rang, The Shuffle Alliance was the first. I have one that I just wrote that is completely different style than usual, I do not like it but I will go ahead and post it to see what advice you can give me. the title will be, The Victory of the Dragon.Thanks
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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