+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 9

Thread: Everlasting Dream

  1. #1
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    In my imagination restricted by British Society!
    Posts
    2,027
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 42 Times in 36 Posts

    Everlasting Dream

    Waiting here,
    Day dreaming,
    Waiting and waiting.

    A wrapping sleeve,
    t-shirt touching,
    feet side by side.

    Someone whispers,
    Heart flutters,
    Smile grows.

    Face to face,
    hand in hand,
    Lips to lips.

    Hearts synced,
    Eye's gazing,
    World Fades.

    Time goes still,
    Life has begun,
    Here in your arms.
    FAVOURITE THREADS EXPLAIN why, or risk an infraction.
    | Sazzy-Bu.co.uk | My Deviant Art | Anime Vector | Otaku Zen | My Twitter | My Tumblr | My last.fm |

  2. #2
    Shichibukai JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    613
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    The poem is effective with short lines i reckon.the words bring a meaning of why we are alive i guess.it isn't a bad poem.but it isn't the best either.with a bit more imagery,it would have been better.

  3. #3
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    In my imagination restricted by British Society!
    Posts
    2,027
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 42 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    Well i was going for the simplistic approach. I get carried away with just discribing things and I want to create a poem where readers could use their imaginations more and put them self in the position of the character.
    FAVOURITE THREADS EXPLAIN why, or risk an infraction.
    | Sazzy-Bu.co.uk | My Deviant Art | Anime Vector | Otaku Zen | My Twitter | My Tumblr | My last.fm |

  4. #4
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    Well, dont simplistic confused with shortness. You could have a very simple poem with well developed stanzas. But there is a thing ass lacking too much complexity. And I think this poem needs to give a bit more umpf to it.
    Seduced by Flesh


  5. #5
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    In a forest of fantasy
    Posts
    333
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    I like how your poem turned out, dancy_SAZ. It's amazing how you were able to express your theme by limiting yourself 2-4 words a line, and still emote a bit of force into reader's mind (for me, that is). I like the challenge of it. I think the simplicity of your style had a unique feel and touch to it. For me, the short lines felt like whispers of a dream, so I think you were able to achieve a certain atmosphere to your poem, and the style/approach made your poem different from most. I felt your poem was simple, yet profound. Keep up the good work!

  6. #6
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    Saz-chan your poem was very sweet. Short, and nice. I enjoyed reading it. Nice job.

  7. #7
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    In my imagination restricted by British Society!
    Posts
    2,027
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 42 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    Quote Originally Posted by eleonne View Post
    I like how your poem turned out, dancy_SAZ. It's amazing how you were able to express your theme by limiting yourself 2-4 words a line, and still emote a bit of force into reader's mind (for me, that is). I like the challenge of it. I think the simplicity of your style had a unique feel and touch to it. For me, the short lines felt like whispers of a dream, so I think you were able to achieve a certain atmosphere to your poem, and the style/approach made your poem different from most. I felt your poem was simple, yet profound. Keep up the good work!
    Thank you Eleonne, that was really what i was going for in this piece, i am glad it came across to someone ^___^

    Quote Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
    Saz-chan your poem was very sweet. Short, and nice. I enjoyed reading it. Nice job.
    Thank you White Wolf-Chan ^^
    FAVOURITE THREADS EXPLAIN why, or risk an infraction.
    | Sazzy-Bu.co.uk | My Deviant Art | Anime Vector | Otaku Zen | My Twitter | My Tumblr | My last.fm |

  8. #8
    Heavy Metal Goddess CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    a place where the stars shine as bright as the sun
    Posts
    578
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 16 Times in 16 Posts

    Re: Everlasting Dream

    Nice poem it was kinda sweet. I liked it good job.
    "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach"
    Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice
    Thanks so much I love it!

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Dream
    By Wolf-Isa in forum Poems
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 27, 2007, 10:11 AM
  2. Dream
    By BlueFox1 in forum Poems
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: Dec 30, 2006, 11:24 AM
  3. ~Everlasting Friendship~
    By silentangel in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Dec 29, 2006, 07:30 PM
  4. What Do I Dream?
    By Yaoi-Lover in forum Poems
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: May 17, 2006, 03:19 AM
  5. Dream
    By Kikinaki in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 05, 2005, 02:42 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts