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Thread: Failing Love

  1. #1
    Otaku Big Money Champion hyuuga13 may be famous one day hyuuga13 may be famous one day hyuuga13's Avatar
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    Failing Love

    I'm not quite done with this. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. please tell me what you think.

    Love is a failure
    Love is a loss
    Too much depression
    All words are false

    Death is much better
    I don’t know why
    Who should put up
    With all the phrases and lies

    Too many games
    All strings broken
    My heart hangs limp
    I’ll never love again

    No point in loving
    No point in living
    The knife at my wrist
    So much blood no need to twist
    Last edited by hyuuga13; Aug 03, 2007 at 04:41 PM.
    Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily!

  2. #2
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Failing Love

    Hmmm... I like it, so you can consider your poem as very good ^^ because I don't like suicide poems, they make me too much worried about the people who write them... This one has something enchanting...

    A lill bit of punctuation wouldn't harm.. otherways people might misunderstand some things and here:
    "Who should put up with
    All the phrases and lies"
    Put the "with" in the next line, I think then it would be easier to read it...

    The rest of the things are perfect for me.
    And now, when I read it for the second time, I have to say that the last stranza is just freaking good... scary...

    Nice work here!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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