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![]() Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Arvilla
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![]() ![]() Credits: 2,946 | Failing Love I'm not quite done with this. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. please tell me what you think. Love is a failure Love is a loss Too much depression All words are false Death is much better I don’t know why Who should put up With all the phrases and lies Too many games All strings broken My heart hangs limp I’ll never love again No point in loving No point in living The knife at my wrist So much blood no need to twist
__________________ Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily! Last edited by hyuuga13; Aug 03, 2007 at 04:41 PM. |
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Angelic Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms
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![]() Credits: 49,192 | Re: Failing Love Hmmm... I like it, so you can consider your poem as very good ^^ because I don't like suicide poems, they make me too much worried about the people who write them... This one has something enchanting... A lill bit of punctuation wouldn't harm.. otherways people might misunderstand some things and here: "Who should put up with All the phrases and lies" Put the "with" in the next line, I think then it would be easier to read it... The rest of the things are perfect for me. And now, when I read it for the second time, I have to say that the last stranza is just freaking good... scary... Nice work here!!! |
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