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Thread: fairy tale...

  1. #1
    Otaku ryomakurosaki is off to a good start ryomakurosaki's Avatar
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    fairy tale...

    Fairy tale…

    One lonely girl
    Cursed to live alone…
    Why isn’t her prince here coming to save her?
    Has he fallen in love with a different princess?

    She is trapped in the castle,
    Waiting and dreaming for the moment
    Where one passionate kiss will take place…
    Will someone give her that kiss?

    Sick of waiting
    She leaps out of the castle and into
    The arms of a stranger…
    Where they stare into the eyes
    Of each other.
    Her dream has come true.
    Her prince arrives and now…
    I believe her fairy tale has come true…
    but will mine ever come true?

    i know it's been a while so be nice^^ lol j/k please tell me my mistakes so i can write better
    ~thank you ~
    Last edited by ryomakurosaki; Dec 16, 2007 at 04:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: fairy tale...

    I'm here to do my duty and be the first one to post!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

    This poem is really nice... I rarely see fairy tale stuff around and I really, really rarely read them... But this is nice ^^ I enjoy reading your cute works ^^ they make me feel happy ^^ It's kinda... dreamy... And I love how you end the poem... It's like, I read it, I see what's going on, I think you're talking about yourself, you have a happy and then... @.@ you end it with getting us back to reality... really nice ^^ Hope to see more as always!!!!!!!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  3. #3
    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: fairy tale...

    Grammar polie here for inspection!

    Hmmm . . . you don't need a comma after "moment" in the second stanza. "They stare into each other's eyes" might fit better than "she and he stare into the eyes of each other" in the third stanza . . . period after "other" (or "eyes" if you take my advice) . . . and another period after "Her dream has come true."

    Very sweet. I hope your fairy tale comes true!!!

  4. #4
    Thanks for the memories princesslady may be famous one day princesslady may be famous one day princesslady's Avatar
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    Re: fairy tale...

    this was really sweet! ^_^
    Your flow was consistant but a little off in some areas.
    Other than that, I loved it

    Born to rule, raised to lead, taught to establish: The African Queen

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