Thread: Fallen Sun

Originally Posted by sora the king of dreams

I think it is impressive but just make a few adjustments and it will be perfect

thank you very much, i'm still editing it, and i'm only on the 4t chapter so once the 4th gets posted expect it to be a whiel before 5 shows up
-----------------------------Double Post Merge---------------------------------------------
hey people just to hold you over until i'm done editing the 4th chapter and start the 5th here is an amazing pic done of 5 of teh characters from the book, these were done by my friend jeff,


i wanna see if you can guess which character each one is, it shoudl be relatively easy if u pay attention to the descriptions, i'll post the answers in a couple of days if no one figures it out lol although one o them is already named for you n.n good luck and thnx ofr reading

sorry about the late reply... haven't really had time to post lately...
anyway great story its really developing nicely... but some of ur wording could be better...

like this part

he noticed a whole in the Plexiglas and heard something coming his way. It sounded like a strong breeze coming his way.

u could just remove "coming his way" and it sounds alot better..

and for this part

He struggled to break free and then screamed his the loudest he could to see if any one could hear him.

u could say "as loud as he could"

just try not to put extra word in that aren't needed and make sure of ur wording.

anyway other than that ur story is great its really getting interesting

and i really like the drawings that ur friend did... they look great

hey guys whars goin on nm here yea 00t lol i got some more pics to show and i finally finished the 4th chapter w00t so yea i'm gonna wiat till 2morrow to post everything tho because i ahve to go ot bed cuz my parents are lame so yea i'll post it all 2moprrow c ya guys later and hope u all enjoy reading so far w00tnes see ya
[!!ty!!]

Chapter Four: A Tournament Awaits (part one)

"Jeddah thank god you're alright!" Leanna yelled to him and came running towards him to give him a hug. When she got to him, he swung his arm out at her knocking her down. "Jeddah what's wrong?" she asked him. He didn't respond he just stood there staring out at the rest of the group. Next Nibatsu ran up to see if he was okay. Nibatsu waved his hand in front of Jeddah's face seeing if he was okay, Jeddah took a death grip on his hand, kneed him in the stomach and punched him in the face sending him spiraling outward.

"What the hell is you problem Jeddah!?" Nibatsu asked laying on his back.

A moment of silence fell… "Problem… there is no problem here… except for you." He finally replied

"Us?" Genoa spoke up

"Of course… you see I work for the demons now. They have showed me unlimited ways to harness my powers. Shall I demonstrate those powers on you?"

"J-Jeddah what are you talking about, this is crazy." Leanna stated. But Jeddah just took a metal rod and stuck its dull end to Leanna's throat. The metal at the end melted away to a point the hot liquid falling to Leanna's somewhat revealed chest searing her skin. She screamed but did not move in fear of the spear stuck to her throat impaling her.

"Hah shall I or shall I not slice the throat of the woman I love."

"Jeddah stop this right now… why are you doing this?" Ayame yelled up to him.

"Haha you make me laugh… stop… why, or rather how could I stop if I haven't started anything."

"Haven't started anything!? Jeddah you're holding a deadly weapon up to you girlfriend's throat!"

"What do you mean?" he said as he thrust the spear through Leanna's throat. "I'm not holding it to her throat… I'm holding through her throat."

They all stood there in awe as if they didn't believe Jeddah was capable of doing such treacherous deeds. "You monster!" Genoa screamed and whipped his pistol out of the holster it was being contained in. He began to run to the side still aiming at Jeddah, then he fired as he dove himself into a shoulder roll. The bullet was tracing a path that led directly to Jeddah's skull. As the bullet had almost reached its destination a large metal dome surrounded its target deflecting the bullet back at Genoa, the bullet just grazed his cheek.

"You can't defeat me! We are surrounded by metal."

"We don't want to defeat you! Why are you doing this… how could you do this."

"Power! The demons showed me power I could have never discovered without them."

"How could you be so weak minded, the lure of power has clouded your vision Jeddah. You're destroying your loved ones for power!" Ayame said to him.

"Oh but you have no idea how far my powers have exceeded your own!" he said as he slammed his hand on the ground. The metal beneath the members of Fallen Sun began to quiver the rose up and wrapped around their feet insuring they would not break free. Jeddah pulled out a long sword and began to walk forward, Leanna's blood trickling from his shoes as he walked. The gun turrets, attached to the wall of the building before them, aimed for them and Jeddah stuck his sword up to Genoa's neck. But just then all the electricity failed and the illumination from the lights of the metal castle before failed and all was dark.

Suddenly they heard a scream and a loud thud. The lights came back and they saw a dark ninja-like figure standing above, a now unconscious, Jeddah. The metal holding the captive fallen sun members crumbled like dirt around them, and they walked over to the dark figure. It was wearing a mask conceal all of its face but its cold emerald stare.

"Who, who are you, what's your name?" Genoa asked.

"I will not be around long enough for my name to have purpose." An almost feminine sounding voice came from the figure. Again the lights went out and all was dark, when they came to illuminate the surface of the castle again the figure was gone, and Jeddah still lay unconscious in front of them. The group decided to head back to the base and leave Jeddah, in fear of what he might be capable of when he awakened if they had returned him to the base for questioning.

Later that night back at the base they all huddled around a fire that was heating a large pile of twilight stones to give off warmth.

Nibatsu stood up and walked to a wall, he placed his fist on the wall for a moment the pulled back and swung forward putting an imprint of a fist on the hard clay walls of the base. "So are we screwed? Are we gonna be able to do this without him?" The whole group sighed and looked down. Except for Naito and Ayame, who in unison looked at the ceiling as if looking through it to the sky, looking for hope in the stars.

"We'll get through this, with or without Jeddah." Ayame and Naito said together, as if they shared a bond.

"But how can u tell?" Genoa asked with no sense of relief or hope in his voice.

"We can see it in the stars…"

The group heard a loud thud come from down the hall around the main entrance's area. Genoa and Naito got up and went to go check to see what it was; they found a large scroll outside of the door for the base. The two of them picked up the scroll and took it into the main lobby where the rest of the group was; Genoa opened it and began to read…

"To The Members of 'The Fallen Sun Resistance',
Though we are currently at war I have withdrawn my troops, and sent this message to you. I have decided to end this war with a bang and hold a tournament of sorts, the strongest and wisest warriors from our world and the next, have been invited. Whomever is reading this and the rest of the members of 'The Fallen Sun Resistance' are invited to compete in this tournament. The rules for the tournament will be explained at the arenas before the tournament starts. The prize for being victorious in this battle of champions, is rule over this world. Of course I, myself and my team will be competing as well, I don't plan on giving up my land without a fight. Enclosed in this scroll is a map of how to get to the arena. If you do not show up I will have my troops raid your base, thanks to my new pal Jeddah, I now know where it is located.
Sincerely,
The Lord of Demons"

"Well… looks like we're in for a good fight!" Ayame said slamming her fist into her palm

"Do you guys think we can do it?" Nibatsu asked with a concern his own life rather than his companions'.

"I'm not sure…" Genoa said in response "But whether or not we think we can do this, we have to anyway for the sake of this world."

"Right!" Naito said firmly

"Alright on the map it lists when the tournament starts, it's about two weeks from now, I want you all to train hard."

For the next two weeks each of the members of the resistance that planned on fighting trained hard. Of the hundred or so members of Fallen sun only those four planned to fight in the tournament. The barrel of Genoa's gun was still hot when he touched it after unloading a round on a target dummy. Why would he leave us like that, I wouldn't have expected him to be such a weak willed person. Genoa thought as he reloaded his pistol. Why would he leave his friends behind, all for a little power? We could have helped him; we could have trained him to get that strong. "WHY!" Genoa ended up screaming out loud as he shed the next 25 bullets from his gun, every one hitting its mark.

Nibatsu rested after a long two weeks of lifting weights, he got off his bed and punched a wall after taking a couple steps. Shards of rock came crumbling down from his fist as he thought to himself, why him? Why not me dammit! His other fist flew forward making a similar dent in the rocky walls. I'm just as good as that piece of shit scattore, how could she love him and not me! I've known her longer, she was supposed to be mine. If I wasn't so damn reckless and didn't get myself caught by the demons, I would've been here to win her love over. He slammed his head into the wall making another dent, then fell backwards onto his bed. He slowly drifted to sleep as he lay continuing to think about Ayame.

Ayame and Naito sat in separate rooms; they needed to concentrate more on their own training than each other, they considered each other more of a weakness than a strength in this tournament. Dents and scratches lined the walls of Naito's; suddenly a couple more dents joined the collection. Naito's speed was unmatched; you couldn't even see his fists move when he punched. Ayame sat in the room two doors down the hall, objects swirling around as she concentrated deeply. The clay in front her was lifted and molded to the shape of a sword and thrust into hard rocky wall. A large lump of clay formed into what looked like a human shape, it was, it was the shape of Jeddah. She was replaying the scene of Leanna's death; over and over the clay replayed Leanna's death. Ayame just couldn't get over it, why would he do such a thing just for power, no there has to be another reason. Although… I don’t know Jeddah that well… but if he’s anything like his father there has to be a different reason.

The week of the tournament had come and the four members set off to the arena. The smell of ash from the apocalyptic setting filled their noses; the gray sky soon filled with bright orange colors from the sun, and it was peaceful for the first time in ages. They soon reached the edges of the city to the forest line and saw the well-beaten path down into the forest that would lead them to the arena.

“This is it, the path to the tournament lies straight ahead, now you guys realize once we go down this path there is no turning back right?” Genoa turned to his squad and gave them a stern look.

“Genoa, we realize, this tournament isn’t just for us but the people as well.” Naito responded as he covered his eyes from the sun.

Chapter Four: A Tournament Awaits (part 2)

“As much as I hate this, I’ll have to agree with the animal. We know what we’re getting ourselves into Genoa, and it’s worth it.” Nibatsu spoke up.
“Alright then, let’s move onward.” Genoa turned back around and led his team into the gray forest. The trees seemed to flourish more as they furthered themselves into the forest, the leaves getting greener and the bark thicker.

“This place is truly beautiful,” Ayame said with a smile stretching across her face.

“It doesn’t seem as war torn as the cities are.” Genoa replied, still leading the way. Soon he saw a clearing up ahead, he ran his way to it as did the others. Before them stood a large dome, at least fourteen stories high, next to the dome their was a tower of about equal height.

The four of them raced to the entrance and went inside, the roar of spectators could be heard the instance of entrance, fighters and civilians alike could be seen wandering the halls of the dome. They spotted an open registration desk and began towards it.

“Welcome to the World Fate Tournament, or WFT, four spectator passes?” the clerk at the desk welcomed them in.

“Um, no we’d like to register as a fighting team, can you direct us as to how we’d go about doing that?”

“Well, that depends, do you have a fifth member with you?”

“Um… what? I’m confused” Genoa responded o the lady

“Jeez, you need five team members to enter as a valid team in the tournament, you truly are an idiot, now do you have a fifth team member or not?”
“Um, uh, uhhh.” Genoa stumbled over his own words

“I’m their fifth team member.” A masked person walked up form behind them.

“Yes, yes this is our fifth team member.”

“Here is your registration card please fill this out and return it to me for your fighters license.”

Genoa took the card and turned to the masked fighter, “You! You’re the one who helped us at the demon base, and now this, why are you helping us, who are you?”

“My identity is to remain hidden, as are my orders from my higher in command, I’m sorry.”

“But, we need your name to enter you on our team.”

“Just… call me ninja as for now.”

“Al- alright,” Genoa looked down at the card and filled out his team member statistics. “Genoa Trinski, Age:18, Past Tournaments?” Genoa turned to the desk clerk, “there have been previous tournaments like this one?”

“Idiot! Yes there have been seven past world fate tournaments. This is the first one sponsored by the ruler himself, but all have decided the fate of this world, can you guess who wins each year?”

“The demon lord?”

“No, the demon lord does not fight himself he gets a representative to fight for him, but yes, his representative has won all seven, I’ve heard he has a new team planned for this year to change things up though.”

“Oh, alright,” Genoa said rolling his eyes and looked back at the sheet and continued to fill it out “Past tournaments: 0; Ayame Kitsume, Age: 18, Past tournaments: 0; Naito Shisou, Age… Naito how old are you?”

“I’m about forty-seven.”

“Are you serious?! You only look at the most 20”

“Scattore keep their youthful appearance long into their elder ages. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner”

“Naito you’re too formal, you needn’t apologize. Anyway, Age: 47, Past tournaments: 0; Nibatsu Takami, Age: 18, Past tournaments: 0; Finally Ninja, how old are you?”

“I… don’t know” she said sounding upset

“Alright then. Age:???, Past Tournaments: 0. Here you are ma’am our card is filled out for all five members.” Genoa said handing the clerk his sheet.

“I’m sorry but we can’t except this we need the age of all of our competitors.”

“Are you joking?” Nibatsu said temperamentally “we have a ****ing invitation and your saying we can’t compete because one of our team members doesn’t know his age?” Nibatsu slammed the invitation on the table.

“Sir, please do not get mad at me I don’t make these rules-”

“But I’m sure his majesty would appreciate it if you let it slide just this once Madame. You see this team has a special invitation hand written by his majesty himself.” a shadowy figure said walking up from behind her.

“Oh, sir Jeddah of course we can let it slide.”

“Jeddah.” Genoa said glaring at him.

“You can thank me on the battlefield.” Jeddah said giving him a half salute and walked off.

“Here is your fighting license for the tournament issued to each member of Team Sun.”

“Team Sun huh? I like it” Ayame said from the back of the group. “Alright Team Sun hands in the middle, we’re making a pledge here to be the best, to come home victorious, and for this world to be ruled with a gentler hand, our hands.”

“Yea.” Nibatsu and Naito simultaneously. They gave each other a quick glare by shrugged it off.

“Ahem, if you would be so kind as to follow me to your suite Team Sun.” a butler-like creature said. He lead them to a hotel like tower, a short distance from the dome. “Each participating team receives a complimentary hotel suite for them to stay in during the process of the tournament, if you need to see spectators they will be staying on lower levels in normal hotel rooms. Your room is located on the top floor and is number fifty-one, here is your card key.”

The team made its way to their room; Genoa flipped the switch to turn on the lights. The dark room revealed its presence to the team.

“Electricity, it’s been so long!” Ayame said jumping onto one of the beds.

“A refrigerator!” Nibatsu said running over to it and looking inside of it.

“Ha, I reacted the same way you guys did when I arrived over in the other world, it was so nice there, peaceful, calm, running water, working electricity, it was like paradise. But in all actuality it made me miss this place, you guys, that world was nice, but it wasn’t home.” He smiled at his teammates and laid down on another one of the beds.

“I’m going out.” The muffled voice came from ninja as she opened the door.

“Awww c’mon don’t b such a party pooper, you’re an official member of Team Sun now, stay, live it up, we only have tonight to relax until the tournament.”

“I’d rather not, I may be a member of your team but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being around you, I’m only doing what I was assigned to do, now I’m, going out.” Ninja walked out shutting the door behind her.

“Ayame, I’m going out also,” Naito said walking out the door not waiting for a response from Ayame. He slowly walked down the hall, Ninja was already out of sight. He took the elevator down stairs and walked out to where the clearing met with the forest limits. A small squirrel-like creature scampered by; Naito grabbed it by the neck ripping its head off, and began to drink the blood from its body as if it were a goblet.

“Very attractive.” Ninja said leaning against a tree a few feet in front of him, “it’s sad, you love Ayame so much, yet you are so afraid to show her, what you’ve turned her into. The downside of being an immortal, scavenging for food, the guilt of killing such innocent creatures, I’m glad I’m not one.”

Naito grabbed her by the arm and tore her mask off revealing her face; her hair was short and spiky except for her bangs, which ran down to about her lips. Her one revealed eye sparkled emerald in the light emanating from the hotel. “Sumi, what the hell are you doing here, who is your employer.”

“Just because we have a past together, Naito, does not mean you get any different treatment than the rest of your pitiful excuse for a team, I told you along with your companions the identity of my employer is to remain secret. Now as to my identity, if you tell anyone who I am, well, let’s just say you won’t like the way Ayame’s corpse will look.”

Naito grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against a tree, “you wouldn’t dare touch her!”

“My, my, someone is easily angered” she said with a smirk on her face. Naito felt a tap on his should and looked back to find that Sumi was behind him, he looked back to the tree and saw nothing in his hand but the tree itself.

“I swear I won’t tell, just, don’t touch her please.”

“Don’t worry” she said slamming him against the tree “I’ll hold up my end of the deal as long as you do your part.” She gave a cheery hop up and kissed him on the cheek and smiled at him. She grabbed her mask and raced back towards the hotel.

***

“So… what’s Naito doing right now Ayame?” Nibatsu asked

“I, don’t know, our connection isn’t as strong as you might think it would be.”

“Pfff, some boyfriend you got there, first he turns you into this monster, now he’s off with that ninja chick.” Nibatsu snapped right back at her

“Hey!” Ayame said grabbing the pressure point on Nibatsu’s shoulder blade. “One! I like this form better than my humanity do not forget that! Two don’t you dare talk down about him just because you’re jealous.”

“Ahh! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t let it happen again, I’m going to sleep.” Ayame shoved Nibatsu off of the bed and rolled over.

“Yea, I think I will too.” Nibatsu got in Ayame’s bed and she shoved him off “okay, okay I get it.” Nibatsu walked over to his own bed and layed down.

***

Genoa looked out over the balcony to the dome. He watched two dark figures at the edge of the forest get in somewhat of a little feud with one of the figures racing back to the hotel when the confrontation was over. Then he overheard an argument that Nibatsu and Ayame were having that ended with a loud thud on the ground

Just then a figure darted out of the dome towards the hotel and ran up the side of the wall to Genoa’s balcony.

“Jeddah! What the hell do you want!” Genoa said backing up a little.

Chapter Four: A Tournament Awaits (part 3)


“I’m not here to harm you, fighting outside of the tournament is unsanctioned. All I came to say is, rest up, the competition is fierce. Good luck…” Jeddah put his head down in shame. “Remember, you still have to pay me back for earlier on the battlefield.” And with those words Jeddah jumped off of his balcony, Genoa watched his silhouette hit the ground and race back towards the dome.

“What was that about?” Genoa said to himself, “There was no obvious trickery in what he was saying, is the Jeddah I knew from school still in there somewhere?” Genoa just shook it off and watched the other dark figure at the edge of the forest head back towards the hotel, he watched all the way until he reached the doors.

Genoa walked back inside of their hotel room and Naito came in around the same time through the other door. They both looked around, Sumi was back, she was in bed, her mask once again concealing her face; Ayame and Nibatsu both sound asleep in their beds.


“Only a couple of hours” Genoa said to Naito as he got in his bed.

“Yea…” Naito agreed, getting into his bed. They both shut their eyes and let their dreams run wild for the few hours they had left before the tournament.
-----------------------------Double Post Merge---------------------------------------------
btw if you want more info and more drawings of the characters stop by the official website for the story made by moi adn hosted by freewebs.com, there you'll find interesting facts about what inspired em to write this, pics of the characters a guestbook for you to sign and let me know how u liek the site, a chat room for fans of it to talk to eachother in, all of my online contact info, random updates of how the story is coming and what im doing on it, and of course the actual story. the website is located at

Fallen Site: The Official Site to the Novel In Progress Fallen Sun

omfg it's back! w00t lol just thought i'd bump this sucker right up here