Falling Through Darkness

Descended From Darkness · Mar 22, 2007, 01:26 PM

Darkness
All I see is darkness
surronding me

My eye are open, alert
and yet all I see is darkness

My heart
is fluttering
betaing fast
faster than normal
as if I were falling
through the endless darkness

Oh where are you
my beloved angel
my knight in shinning armor
why aren't you here to save me
from this eternal darkness?

Hatred and despair
claim my heart
tears of sorrow flow down
my cheeks

I open my eyes
and see an altar
a black altar
as black as the endless darkness
surronding me

I smile
happy
to be rid of this eternal darkness

I closed my eyes
and feel unbearable pain
my bones shattering into pieces

I open my eyes again
and see a man wearing a black cloak
as black as the eternal darkness

I hold my hand up
seeking salvation
but I only see darkness
then Death.

CherryBlossom18 · Mar 23, 2007, 01:26 AM

Very dark and interesting poem. I liked it it told a good story.

*Kasai* · Mar 23, 2007, 01:57 AM

Capitalization and correct punctuation would allow me to read this poem.

*Rave_Grip* · Mar 23, 2007, 01:58 AM

Come on Kasai...
It seems like somebody needs a hug ^_^ It's a sad end...

Descended From Darkness · Mar 23, 2007, 06:00 AM

Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..

Incidently I wrote this poem in the eigth grade when I was very happy..I couldn't remember how the rest went so I made some changes..but its still the same...

elie26 · Mar 23, 2007, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Descended From Darkness

Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..

Incidently I wrote this poem in the eigth grade when I was very happy..I couldn't remember how the rest went so I made some changes..but its still the same...

Aw lol.. Can't help laughing when I read what you said XD[1st line]
Anyways, the theme is quite common , death,darkness and all (I write a lot of stuff like that too

) Overall I won't say it's a great poem, merely an OK one for me but your title did captured my attention ^^

eleonne · Mar 24, 2007, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Descended From Darkness

Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..

Kasai has a point, though. You have a great concept running in your poem, but as I read through it, it felt like you didn't even sacrifice some time just to manage the spelling errors, which were quite many and obvious. In any kind of writing, it isn't just the thought of your writing that counts - your grammar and spelling counts a lot as well, as they are the BASIC rules of writing. Next time, please be careful and give enough time to correct the errors mentioned. A well presented poem with regards to spelling and grammar will surely give an impression that you placed your best efforts for what you are posting to the public to read and comment on.

Anyways, like Elie26, the title also captured my attention. The title is well-suited for your poem content, in my opinion, and was able to give me just the right idea to expect in the poem. The good thing is that the title was also supported by your poem content. And with the spelling errors aside, I'd say your poem had been a great read for me. I liked the story you told in the verses, and I was especially impressed with the conclusion. The last stanza definitely gave your whole poem a unique and impressive twist, and exalted the whole poem. Good job!

P.R. Princess · Mar 25, 2007, 03:39 PM

This is a good poem. I like it.
Though the spelling could be fixed.
But ti was good poem verall.
I really like it. Keep it up

demonoflight · Mar 26, 2007, 04:35 AM

i'm not going to criticize you, this poem wasn't that bad, you could check you spelling though.

*RayMe* · Mar 26, 2007, 08:42 AM

Hmm like what the guys said up there .. i agree with em ^^
not a bad poem... 2 stars~! for Ok~!

Mattness · Mar 26, 2007, 09:54 AM

I feel like the broken record. The spelling was interesting, run a spellcheck, but the images worked well and it just needs a little polishing. three stars!

Mar 22, 2007, 01:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Descended From Darkness Jigoku Shoujo Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: somewhere far far away from here. Posts: 505 Thanks: 2 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 9,881	Falling Through Darkness Darkness All I see is darkness surronding me My eye are open, alert and yet all I see is darkness My heart is fluttering betaing fast faster than normal as if I were falling through the endless darkness Oh where are you my beloved angel my knight in shinning armor why aren't you here to save me from this eternal darkness? Hatred and despair claim my heart tears of sorrow flow down my cheeks I open my eyes and see an altar a black altar as black as the endless darkness surronding me I smile happy to be rid of this eternal darkness I closed my eyes and feel unbearable pain my bones shattering into pieces I open my eyes again and see a man wearing a black cloak as black as the eternal darkness I hold my hand up seeking salvation but I only see darkness then Death. __________________ Thanx zyta for the awesome set [ Rai's Gallery: Rai's myspace : Rai's Deviantart: Angelic Ruin:SpiritDetective
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Mar 23, 2007, 01:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
CherryBlossom18 Heavy Metal Goddess Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: a place where the stars shine as bright as the sun Posts: 578 Thanks: 1 Thanked 16 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 2,376	Re: Falling Through Darkness Very dark and interesting poem. I liked it it told a good story. __________________ "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach" Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice Thanks so much I love it!
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Mar 23, 2007, 01:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,490	Re: Falling Through Darkness Capitalization and correct punctuation would allow me to read this poem. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Mar 23, 2007, 01:58 AM	#4 (permalink)
Rave_Grip I hate idiots on AO. Kill Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Life is an illusion. Posts: 2,314 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 14,876	Re: Falling Through Darkness Come on Kasai... It seems like somebody needs a hug ^_^ It's a sad end... __________________ Wherever you see, there is always 98% of people who love something; and 2% that don't. I'm pretty sure that not ALL 98% of peeps don't support Lolita or anything. So if you agree, put it in your sig. \| .:~My AO Gallery~:. \| \| .:~The AO Rules~:. \|
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Mar 23, 2007, 06:00 AM	#5 (permalink)
Descended From Darkness Jigoku Shoujo Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: somewhere far far away from here. Posts: 505 Thanks: 2 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 9,881	Re: Falling Through Darkness Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose.. Incidently I wrote this poem in the eigth grade when I was very happy..I couldn't remember how the rest went so I made some changes..but its still the same... __________________ Thanx zyta for the awesome set [ Rai's Gallery: Rai's myspace : Rai's Deviantart: Angelic Ruin:SpiritDetective
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Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!

Mar 25, 2007, 03:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
P.R. Princess NalaMidnight Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Virginia Posts: 900 Thanks: 3 Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 14,170	Re: Falling Through Darkness This is a good poem. I like it. Though the spelling could be fixed. But ti was good poem verall. I really like it. Keep it up __________________ ~GUNSLINGER~A7X=MIA~ ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~ ~I give my heart and everything to my sailor~
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Mar 26, 2007, 04:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
demonoflight Newbie Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: lima, oh Posts: 28 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 78	Re: Falling Through Darkness i'm not going to criticize you, this poem wasn't that bad, you could check you spelling though. __________________ "expect the unexpected, life changes in an instant"
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Mar 26, 2007, 08:42 AM	#10 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,148	Re: Falling Through Darkness Hmm like what the guys said up there .. i agree with em ^^ not a bad poem... 2 stars~! for Ok~! __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Mar 26, 2007, 09:54 AM	#11 (permalink)
Mattness Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 310 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,028	Re: Falling Through Darkness I feel like the broken record. The spelling was interesting, run a spellcheck, but the images worked well and it just needs a little polishing. three stars! __________________
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