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Thread: Falling Through Darkness

  1. #1
    Jigoku Shoujo Dangerous Dave Part 1 : Mole Surfing Champion Descended From Darkness may be famous one day Descended From Darkness may be famous one day Descended From Darkness's Avatar
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    Falling Through Darkness

    Darkness
    All I see is darkness
    surronding me

    My eye are open, alert
    and yet all I see is darkness

    My heart
    is fluttering
    betaing fast
    faster than normal
    as if I were falling
    through the endless darkness

    Oh where are you
    my beloved angel
    my knight in shinning armor
    why aren't you here to save me
    from this eternal darkness?

    Hatred and despair
    claim my heart
    tears of sorrow flow down
    my cheeks

    I open my eyes
    and see an altar
    a black altar
    as black as the endless darkness
    surronding me

    I smile
    happy
    to be rid of this eternal darkness

    I closed my eyes
    and feel unbearable pain
    my bones shattering into pieces

    I open my eyes again
    and see a man wearing a black cloak
    as black as the eternal darkness

    I hold my hand up
    seeking salvation
    but I only see darkness
    then Death.

  2. #2
    Heavy Metal Goddess CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Very dark and interesting poem. I liked it it told a good story.
    "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach"
    Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice
    Thanks so much I love it!

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Capitalization and correct punctuation would allow me to read this poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Come on Kasai...
    It seems like somebody needs a hug ^_^ It's a sad end...

  5. #5
    Jigoku Shoujo Dangerous Dave Part 1 : Mole Surfing Champion Descended From Darkness may be famous one day Descended From Darkness may be famous one day Descended From Darkness's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..

    Incidently I wrote this poem in the eigth grade when I was very happy..I couldn't remember how the rest went so I made some changes..but its still the same...

  6. #6
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Quote Originally Posted by Descended From Darkness View Post
    Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..

    Incidently I wrote this poem in the eigth grade when I was very happy..I couldn't remember how the rest went so I made some changes..but its still the same...
    Aw lol.. Can't help laughing when I read what you said XD[1st line]
    Anyways, the theme is quite common , death,darkness and all (I write a lot of stuff like that too ) Overall I won't say it's a great poem, merely an OK one for me but your title did captured my attention ^^

  7. #7
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    Quote Originally Posted by Descended From Darkness View Post
    Kasai....that's a very poor excuse not to read someone's poem. Most people do that on purpose..
    Kasai has a point, though. You have a great concept running in your poem, but as I read through it, it felt like you didn't even sacrifice some time just to manage the spelling errors, which were quite many and obvious. In any kind of writing, it isn't just the thought of your writing that counts - your grammar and spelling counts a lot as well, as they are the BASIC rules of writing. Next time, please be careful and give enough time to correct the errors mentioned. A well presented poem with regards to spelling and grammar will surely give an impression that you placed your best efforts for what you are posting to the public to read and comment on.

    Anyways, like Elie26, the title also captured my attention. The title is well-suited for your poem content, in my opinion, and was able to give me just the right idea to expect in the poem. The good thing is that the title was also supported by your poem content. And with the spelling errors aside, I'd say your poem had been a great read for me. I liked the story you told in the verses, and I was especially impressed with the conclusion. The last stanza definitely gave your whole poem a unique and impressive twist, and exalted the whole poem. Good job!

  8. #8
    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
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    Re: Falling Through Darkness

    This is a good poem. I like it.
    Though the spelling could be fixed.
    But ti was good poem verall.
    I really like it. Keep it up

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

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