BrokenLover101

Far Away

In a far away land
In a far away place
One girl weeps
And another sleeps

The girl who weeps
Was happy once
For there was a guy
Who was always by her side

He was there for her
When no one else was
Telling her things
That he knew would bring comfort

He told her things that would cheer her up
And within moments
That frown of hers
Would turn upside down

But that's all a distant memory
A long lost memory
Because of the other girl
Who is sleeping

She sleeps cuddled up to him
Getting everything from him
All because of some words
He said to her long ago

She sleeps with a smile on her face
Because she has the satisfaction of knowing
That he'll always come running
And do what he tells her

She told him to give her a massage
So he did and pleasantly
She told him no more contact
He abides so willingly

No longer will he talk to her
Because she told him to
Because of the promise he made
No longer will he talk to the weeping girl

How do i know this
It's very simple
You see, I'm that girl
That alone and miserable weeping girl

~~Yeah i know it's random and probably isn't good so I'll let decide and please.... tell me what you think~~

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\\\ Never Love Again ///

abby724

The emphasis of being "far away" from everybody else in the first stanza is nice; it conveyed that girl's isolation in the poem really gracefully. And the whole narrative part of the poem is nice... At the end, it all gave me a vivid picture in my mind of that girl talking to herself... Or more accurately, weeping and thinking to herself, drowning in her wretchedness...

The line breaks in the stanza are nice, too; it helps with the "storybook" sorta flow of the poem, like the transitions in a movie, the switching of one scene to another.

Aww, and the ending was really cute. Yes, that's what I typed...

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GALERIE : Limited Internet access for certain reasons...

princesslady

I liked it Jaime. It flowed pretty well and th emessage was clear.
AAnd youarent sad and weeping. Just....happy and dont know it yet

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!The GunGrave of Trigun

I liked that very much it was good at first it was like boooooo but then it got really good but it was good keep righting.

BrokenLover101

Thanks you guys. ^_^ I'm glad you liked it.

-.- so basically what saved this form being horrible was the ending... lol well thanks. ^_^ I'm glad i know what i need to work on.

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\\\ Never Love Again ///

!kokoro4

Jamie I hope you read this because its the last time I will be sending you a message in any way

I will not forget you

and I do read the emails you send me so don't worry about that


and hell yea I would care if you fell over dead right now
the answer to how long it takes to die if you cut your wrists 11minuts twelve seconds give or take but don't do that there is absolutely No reason to kill yourself
there was no need to tell me you've attempted ether the first pic of yourself that you sent me told me

Ichigo_06

brokenlover that was a beutifull poem, I liked this one the best out of all of yours, keep up the good work. Remember this friend you know of called Ichigo, he (well I) will be there as a friend to help you through any situation as all friends should. anyways keep up the good work on the poems.

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