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Thread: Feelings

  1. #1
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Feelings

    okay well i hope this is better than my last one which i know as bad...anyway i hope this is better....


    Feelings we feel.
    Feelings we felt.
    Are they the same?
    Are they different?
    What are these feelings,
    We feel and felt,

    Sorrow
    Anger
    Hopelessness
    Happiness
    Joyful
    Loving
    Hateful
    Jealousy

    This is what makes us human.
    This is what makes us.
    What do you think?
    What do you feel?

    well i hope this is at least a little better.....

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  2. #2
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Feelings

    Ummm... well it's ok, I didn't like the list part much. I would do it a bit differently, like:
    "Sorrow,
    That tears us appart.
    Anger,
    That made us turn away... bla bla" lol ^^ just impovising.. .I think that would make it easier to read and undersand it...

    Ummm... I don't remember finding anything bad from you... But I think this might be better than the previous one... Ummm... it's nice... has a great thought in it... The last stranza is nice... very filosofic... nice... I've enjoyed reading this and i hope to see more! I always look out for your work Renn!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  3. #3
    Newbie shouichishindo is off to a good start shouichishindo's Avatar
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    Re: Feelings

    very good job renn, i agree with lasura, the list did kind of weaken it a bit, but if you look at it from a different perspective, its very unique and it did kind of make the piece string together. and that is a good thing for a poem. very good job, and yes, it was better than the last one

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