hellknight

His palms are sweating
Because he likes this girl
Something wrong with his stomach
Feels like he's gonna hurl

He finaly walks up to her
But he's all nervous
He's words are stammering
Is he doing this on purpose?

He smiles at her
She smiles back at him
"Hi am Louis"
"Hi my name is Kim"

"So do you want to go out on a date"
"Yeah sure, but when?"
"How about friday night?"
"Ok see you then"

"At 8'o'clock sharp"
She smiles and walks away
Not bad for a first love date
But lets see how it goes on the next day.

Tifa Lockhart

Not a bad poem. But watch out for spelling and grammatical errors.

arekandera

sweet poem you got there
i think it's nicely done and i can't wait to see what will happen
keep the good work and hope to see more from you

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divine_punishment

If only it were that easy . . . Maybe you should have included a stanza about how she had seen him around and thought he was attractive or something . . .

Like it has been previously stated: watch your grammar!

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Lasura

Does this poem have a second part? It must have!!! ^^ I wanna know how the date goes!!!

Indeed this was really nice... Very simple, but... sometimes simple is just what is needed It has something great in it... Maybe just the idea that this guy, being so worried did so good... I dunno

And it can be that easy divine :P If the girl has something under her skin... She seems a bit fishy... jk ^^ It's just my imagination working again ^^

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My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

RayMe

I like the starting.. but when the dialogue starts...i go.. naah.. a nice poem.. but too much of the dialogue to me...poeticness gone over there..

but still nice descriptions you gave though ^^

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Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
The best ever Lasura~!
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Lasura

The dialogue is nice too... He has even put rhymes in it... Of ourse it is a bit odd, but I think it's nice... try and think a bit as a romantic :P
Though- you don't argue over taste

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My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

bratling

Short sweet and cute. I really liked it. Might I sugest "he's" in the first line being turned into his. Because "He is palms are sweating" doesn't quite sound right. And that's what the contraction he's means. So I kinda think you were aiming at "his palms are sweating" But maybe I'm wrong! Either way I really enjoyed this poem. I've never had an experiance like that. Never really been asked on a date before!

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She's always trying not to cry.
But I can see the demons in her eyes.
She's always trying not to yell.
But you see to her, she's trapped in hell.