First Till Now

KuwiRules145 · Jan 12, 2008, 03:16 PM

First Till Now

First I only cared for you
I knew you did too

Than my heart just started to pound so fast
When you pass by, this cause this to last

Next I finally knew I wanted to be your girl
Yet I feared that from in the world

After that you had gentle kissed me..................
I knew I was the only one you wanted to see

Later you kept coming for me
I never knew this was meant to be

Now I fear one thing from both of us two
Is losing the most important thing thats you

Further more all I want to do
Is just love you..........

To a love so dear............
To a man I'll never fear............

First till Now all I want is you
First till Now I hope you love me too
First till Now.........I cry for you while
Finally First till Now your my only smile

I love you

---------------------------------------------------------------
Not so good huh???? Well sorry for that.
I guess I'm just not good on poem...-.-
*Giggles* ^^

Oh well enjoy ok! ^^

dark1angel · Jan 12, 2008, 04:18 PM

Wow *speechless for a moment* this was indeed really deep in my own thought, though it may need more of a... oh never mind it seems there was a visual into that poem it felt like the person that you love is next to you but in real life he isn't, for i think this may go off the limits in other terms try to reach into greater expactions in life that your trying to improve on what you managed to say. Though try practicing more on your poetic skills in order to have many different visuals as you can in order to have a better understanding from it ok. ^_^

*Pyro Psycho* · Jan 13, 2008, 12:25 AM

Hmm it was fine and good. Just got a bit repetitive afterwards on your last verse. Then the I love you wasn't very necessary there. Expand your vocabulary to rhyme also. Those words are very primary, it needs more meaning and depth.

But so far so good you have yourself starting off to writing more and better. If you need to also a dictionary and thesaurus are quite handy, I use them too when I write, believe me.

Little negi sensei · Jan 13, 2008, 05:48 AM

Say what you like ^.But i still think you write some of the best pomes i have ever read kiwi.^_^

Jan 12, 2008, 03:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
KuwiRules145 Tournaments Won: 2 ♡♥I love you Kyle Kun!♥♡ Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In my lovers heart Posts: 963 Thanks: 3 Thanked 24 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 13,226	First Till Now First Till Now First I only cared for you I knew you did too Than my heart just started to pound so fast When you pass by, this cause this to last Next I finally knew I wanted to be your girl Yet I feared that from in the world After that you had gentle kissed me.................. I knew I was the only one you wanted to see Later you kept coming for me I never knew this was meant to be Now I fear one thing from both of us two Is losing the most important thing thats you Further more all I want to do Is just love you.......... To a love so dear............ To a man I'll never fear............ First till Now all I want is you First till Now I hope you love me too First till Now.........I cry for you while Finally First till Now your my only smile I love you --------------------------------------------------------------- Not so good huh???? Well sorry for that. I guess I'm just not good on poem...-.- Giggles ^^ Oh well enjoy ok! ^^ __________________ ♡♥♡♥No matter what I'll always love you for Eternity...I love you Kyle♥♡♥♡ Never let me go... hold me tight and love me like I do ♡♥Anime Life♥♡
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Jan 12, 2008, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
dark1angel Tournaments Won: 1 Hybrid Humanoid Forever Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In a Purified Realm Of Lightness Posts: 560 Thanks: 71 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 20,887	Re: First Till Now Wow speechless for a moment this was indeed really deep in my own thought, though it may need more of a... oh never mind it seems there was a visual into that poem it felt like the person that you love is next to you but in real life he isn't, for i think this may go off the limits in other terms try to reach into greater expactions in life that your trying to improve on what you managed to say. Though try practicing more on your poetic skills in order to have many different visuals as you can in order to have a better understanding from it ok. ^_^ __________________ Traveling so far can mean anything but in the real world your life can expand to your dreams. \|アスタロス\|
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Jan 13, 2008, 12:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
Pyro Psycho hates Naruto Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Pasadena, TX Posts: 1,078 Thanks: 5 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 5,207	Re: First Till Now Hmm it was fine and good. Just got a bit repetitive afterwards on your last verse. Then the I love you wasn't very necessary there. Expand your vocabulary to rhyme also. Those words are very primary, it needs more meaning and depth. But so far so good you have yourself starting off to writing more and better. If you need to also a dictionary and thesaurus are quite handy, I use them too when I write, believe me. __________________ Give Peace a chance
Status: Offline

Jan 13, 2008, 05:48 AM	#4 (permalink)
Little negi sensei Diamond in the Rough Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 359 Thanks: 13 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Credits: 1,076	Re: First Till Now Say what you like ^.But i still think you write some of the best pomes i have ever read kiwi.^_^ __________________
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