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Thread: The first time

  1. #1
    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    The first time

    Rain keeps falling,
    I don't know where I am,
    Or where I'm going,
    I wanted to be somewhere,
    Just not here.

    I dont know if it's tears or rain drops,
    I never let my emotions go,
    Always locking them away,
    Always locking my weakness away.

    I can barely hear anything with the rain,
    But your voice seems to cut through it,
    I still remember the first time,
    The first time in the rain where we kissed.

    I had been so afraid to unlock my heart,
    I didnt want to look weak,
    But you gave the courage to open up,
    To unlock my heart to you.

    You stood there soaked, your hair stuck to your face,
    You stood close to me as I wipe your hair aside,
    Your eyes waited for me to say something,
    My words arent good enough,
    I lean in to kiss your soft lips,
    I still remember the first time.

    I'm not sure if the titles fits this or not. anyways enjoy it and comments are welcomed

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

  2. #2
    Newbie redeyed_impure_soul may be famous one day redeyed_impure_soul may be famous one day redeyed_impure_soul's Avatar
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    Re: The first time

    Eek! This poem is so kawaii and sweet. Very good job, Jason! Jeez, Im jealous of your poem writing skills! * pouty face* Charming poem ^_^.

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: The first time

    The last two verses of your poem? Cute. Everything else? The wording was sucky. I do like the thought out into the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Re: The first time

    i like it !!!!!!!!!!!!! very romatic i enjoy reading it you have great writing skills
    poohs my boo

  5. #5
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    Re: The first time

    Kawaii baby kawaii i like the last to verses tho the best JA NE
    Don't tell me the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon


  6. #6
    Cheetos Overlord jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit's Avatar
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    Re: The first time

    Small errors but a good poem non the least my favorite part in the poem is definitly the first five lines of text

    Rain keeps falling,
    I don't know where I am,
    Or where I'm going,
    I wanted to be somewhere,
    Just not here.

    Very elegant i think the theme of the poem changed from this to the love poem to drastically, prehaps this should be made into a seperate poem?
    -Just another green eyed angel, distorted by mans love for hate-
    |THE INFAMOUS CHEETOS OVERLORD||IceNineKills|

  7. #7
    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    Re: The first time

    mmm well i took your suggestion and came up with this:

    Rain keeps falling,
    I don't know where I am,
    Or where I'm going,
    I wanted to be somewhere,
    Just not here.

    The sound of the rain is so heavy,
    I begin to feel like my body's heavy,
    I had been hurt, a fool's mistake,
    A mistake to open my heart up.

    I had done nothing to deserve the pain,
    The pain i feel in my heart,
    Someone's stabbing and ripping it,
    It hurts so much from that moment,
    When I saw him kiss you.

    I didnt know what to say,
    As if the weather was my heart,
    I vented my anger on him and walked away,
    My hand's hurting, I still feel the cut on my hand,
    But the pain is dull compared to my heart's pain.

    I kept running through the rain,
    Everything crumbled away,
    The things we had together,
    Washed away like paint.

    I fell to my knees and stopped,
    I looked round and saw it was the one place,
    The place we met for the first time,
    The first time we had kissed in rain,
    And you were there, standing in the rain.

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

  8. #8
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    Re: The first time

    Hmm...well I dont know which one I like better but to tell you the truth, I enjoyed both of them very much. ^_^ Good work! =p

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