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Thread: Forever

  1. Dec 15, 2007 09:38 AM #1
    Evil Angel
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    Forever


    I Hate being aways from u but i know oneday i can see u again.
    i will break down this wall so u can hold me in your arms once more.
    plz dont give up on me.i am doing all i can to get to u but plz know i will love you forever
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
    And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
    And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away
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  2. Dec 15, 2007 09:45 AM #2
    rikus demonic lover
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    Re: Forever

    wow thats poems short
    but its sweet
    and its straight to the point i really like it
    will there be more
    people really do love to read poems and others
    on here keep it up
    I wish a life of a love of a life. Send a light to through the darkest of nights. Let a kiss fly from the heart. Love me like you loved me in our past lives. Send this pain back to me these cold lonely nights. Haunt all my fanasties leave all my dreams shadow yourself once again into me....
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  4. Dec 15, 2007 10:00 AM #3
    Evil Angel
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    Re: Forever

    im not really all that good at poems i just throw this one together ...but yea
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
    And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
    And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away
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  5. Dec 16, 2007 06:24 AM #4
    Lasura
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    Re: Forever

    Awww... this is so sweet and this just perfectly says how I feel!!!!!!!!!! And I don't even feel like this should be longer, this says everything to me. But that is maybe only because I know all about being away from the one you love *giggles*

    Well I hope to see more ^^ cheers!!!! Oh... maybe one suggestion- maybe you shouldn't use shortenings in poems...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge
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  6. Dec 17, 2007 11:42 PM #5
    RayMe
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    Re: Forever

    agreed on Lasura on that one... poetry is language... better write it fully.. would make the poem seem more mature...and grammar too..

    Walls... nice methaphore... it symbolizes many things... (bad ones) and i understand this poem... its written nicely and simple... easy to understand... keep it up ^^
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  7. Dec 18, 2007 02:00 PM #6
    Tetsanosuke Kirikami
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    Re: Forever

    Well this one is a bit better in the way it's structured. But again it sounds not like a poem with a message, it sounds more just like a message or desperate plea.

    Spelling and grammar needed a little polishing.

    But eh, what can I say that I haven't on the other one?


    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."
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