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Dec 15, 2007, 09:38 AM
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 Newbie  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In The Middle Of No where
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 Credits: 1,584 | Forever I Hate being aways from u but i know oneday i can see u again. i will break down this wall so u can hold me in your arms once more. plz dont give up on me.i am doing all i can to get to u but plz know i will love you forever
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Dec 15, 2007, 09:45 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Newbie  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The Darkness In Your Heart
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Credits: 1,537 | Re: Forever  wow thats poems shortbut its sweet and its straight to the point i really like it will there be more people really do love to read poems and others on here keep it up
__________________ send me into forever lasting darkness  allow my heart to be taken away and ripped into shreads by those who called a lover |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to rikus demonic lover For This Useful Post: | Evil Angel (Dec 15, 2007) |
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Dec 16, 2007, 06:24 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
 Angelic  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms
Posts: 1,866
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Credits: 49,192 | Re: Forever Awww... this is so sweet and this just perfectly says how I feel!!!!!!!!!! And I don't even feel like this should be longer, this says everything to me. But that is maybe only because I know all about being away from the one you love *giggles* Well I hope to see more ^^ cheers!!!! Oh... maybe one suggestion- maybe you shouldn't use shortenings in poems... |
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Dec 17, 2007, 11:42 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
 1 )3^^( )N  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better...
Posts: 3,601
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Credits: 59,118 | Re: Forever agreed on Lasura on that one... poetry is language...  better write it fully.. would make the poem seem more mature...and grammar too.. Walls... nice methaphore... it symbolizes many things... (bad ones) and i understand this poem... its written nicely and simple... easy to understand... keep it up ^^ |
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Dec 18, 2007, 02:00 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
 Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Somewhere in ol'Michigan
Posts: 117
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Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts
Credits: 10,866 | Re: Forever Well this one is a bit better in the way it's structured. But again it sounds not like a poem with a message, it sounds more just like a message or desperate plea. Spelling and grammar needed a little polishing. But eh, what can I say that I haven't on the other one? 
__________________  "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion." |
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