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Old Dec 15, 2007, 09:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Forever


I Hate being aways from u but i know oneday i can see u again.
i will break down this wall so u can hold me in your arms once more.
plz dont give up on me.i am doing all i can to get to u but plz know i will love you forever
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Old Dec 15, 2007, 09:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Forever

wow thats poems short
but its sweet
and its straight to the point i really like it
will there be more
people really do love to read poems and others
on here keep it up
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Old Dec 15, 2007, 10:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Forever

im not really all that good at poems i just throw this one together ...but yea
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Old Dec 16, 2007, 06:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Forever

Awww... this is so sweet and this just perfectly says how I feel!!!!!!!!!! And I don't even feel like this should be longer, this says everything to me. But that is maybe only because I know all about being away from the one you love *giggles*

Well I hope to see more ^^ cheers!!!! Oh... maybe one suggestion- maybe you shouldn't use shortenings in poems...
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Old Dec 17, 2007, 11:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Forever

agreed on Lasura on that one... poetry is language... better write it fully.. would make the poem seem more mature...and grammar too..

Walls... nice methaphore... it symbolizes many things... (bad ones) and i understand this poem... its written nicely and simple... easy to understand... keep it up ^^
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Old Dec 18, 2007, 02:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Forever

Well this one is a bit better in the way it's structured. But again it sounds not like a poem with a message, it sounds more just like a message or desperate plea.

Spelling and grammar needed a little polishing.

But eh, what can I say that I haven't on the other one?


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