November 22 2009
It’s her very first entry of the year her new beginning. Dear god how She have wanted to commit suicide since he left. She hadn’t felt this way in such a long time. She wanted to last the one year really She did but what was She suppose to believe? That he really ment what he said? No one…everyone understands what She's going through its horrible truly and utterly horrible how She can stay so sane when She should be crying Her eyes out for someone who might not even exist. She's been drowning for the longest time there seems to be no end to this ocean’s bottom. When will She stop floating deeper and deeper into the empty dark abyss that was once his love? She hears the keys clicking and watching the words pop up on the screen still have that photo of him which She can not shred won’t print it to shred it. All the drugs are gone and out of Her system and yet She still feels like dying. The pounding of Her heart makes such a sound that She can’t take it. She screams and shouts and there is no answer. No life preserve set out for Her to reach. his light has faded there is no smile there are no tears. How can She stop loving him if Her heart still calls out to him? Why does he not answer? Do he hate her that much over something that seems so…so…never ending this pain that she feels inside? Her dreams are haunted by him She screams I cry I fight I fail…I’ve failed you, my friends, my mother, father, friends, sister, brother and HIM my once lover. I have failed myself once again because I got up to high and almost tough perfect and came crashing back down only to realize that there is no beauty but in the eye of the beholder…how I loved holding you close to me, taking in your scent. How beautiful the smell of your blood was how amazing it was to look into your eyes that told the saddest story of Her life. How HE shined through everything and anything. How you made my world go round and round then make me fall crashing down. God how I hated to become HER once again.