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Thread: Fugitive

  1. #1
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Fugitive

    I always wanted to write something bout prison XD This didn't actually described what I really hoped for, but I'll make another one later XD @_@ I don't think too much of this tho.

    Fugitive

    Seven years served
    A sentence he didn’t deserve
    With his story lost forever
    It’s either now or never

    Time ticks ever so slowly
    Metal bars that eventually turn rusty
    Plotting every minor step
    Waiting as time elapse

    Miniature carvings onto cement walls
    Listening with care if movement calls
    Stealth proves to be essential
    When living within such deadly residential

    Passage to freedom came with a price
    You never know who’s holding the dice
    Outer society evolves within passing years
    While you were stuck inside with dried tears

    Their judging eyes pear you through
    Leaving us wondering, “Who are you?”
    A beast trying hard to blend in
    Or a night creature that should never be seen

    Acceptance might never be gained
    Not when the rich and famous reign
    Once a villain, always be labeled as one
    So you hide and hide… forever on the run

  2. #2
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    It sounds something Like "The Escape From Bondage". Try read it
    Overall the poem is good, nice descriptive language and a nice title too!

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    Re: Fugitive

    Nice poem I'm sure alot of people who have been or are still in prison feel like that. Sitting around watching the time tick slowly and marking on the walls of one more day they've been there and look so forward to getting out.
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    Community Dude Asteroids Champion dude101 may be famous one day dude101 may be famous one day dude101's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    i have to say that i'm impressed. well i mainly like the 3rd stanza 3-4th lines
    Stealth proves to be essential
    When living within such deadly residential
    i really like that remark. and it rhymes well which is an added bonus lol.

    but i've found this as poem a very intriguing read, quite a nice depiction of in prison and after prison life.

  5. #5
    Decapitation?DontBePicky! Raimann may be famous one day Raimann may be famous one day Raimann's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    me, i like mystery books, and books bout people running away from something. if this was i book i would buy it, and its rele good. it had a sneaky feel to it, and i hope you write more poems

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  6. #6
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    Quote Originally Posted by elie26 View Post
    I always wanted to write something bout prison XD This didn't actually described what I really hoped for, but I'll make another one later XD @_@ I don't think too much of this tho.

    Fugitive

    Seven years served
    A sentence he didn’t deserve
    With his story lost forever
    It’s either now or never

    Time ticks ever so slowly
    Metal bars that eventually turn rusty
    Plotting every minor step
    Waiting as time elapse

    Miniature carvings onto cement walls
    Listening with care if movement calls
    Stealth proves to be essential
    When living within such deadly residential

    Passage to freedom came with a price
    You never know who’s holding the dice
    Outer society evolves within passing years
    While you were stuck inside with dried tears

    Their judging eyes pear you through
    Leaving us wondering, “Who are you?”
    A beast trying hard to blend in
    Or a night creature that should never be seen

    Acceptance might never be gained
    Not when the rich and famous reign
    Once a villain, always be labeled as one
    So you hide and hide… forever on the run
    Nothing short of amazing. This is amazing work. If you make enough like this
    i bet your book of poetry will be a best seller. <best compliment i gave all night>

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  7. #7
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    Nothing short of amazing. This is amazing work. If you make enough like this
    i bet your book of poetry will be a best seller. <best compliment i gave all night>
    Thank you! That's the nicest thing lol. I feel so touched. I didn't think i'd get such good comments. Like I said, didn't thought much of it myself ^^"

  8. #8
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Fugitive

    Quote Originally Posted by elie26 View Post
    Thank you! That's the nicest thing lol. I feel so touched. I didn't think i'd get such good comments. Like I said, didn't thought much of it myself ^^"
    Well even though it seems im sorta jumping on the compliment wagon a bit late. I, for one would like to congradulate you for not writing a love poem. Love poems are fine... I write lots myself... but its very refreashing to see something this original. Keep it up!
    ... Not Ever Again...

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