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Thread: Game Play

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Game Play

    If you could tell how old I was
    by the circles beneath my eyes,
    Then it should be of no surprise.
    ...that I behave...
    much younger than my age.

    It is not like an enigma
    ...gone unsolved.
    My new resolve,
    Is to not end this game play badly.
    But, my name's not Milton Bradley.

    My weakness is not a plaything.
    On reality I lose my grip,
    each time you sink my battle ship.
    I pick up sticks,
    But feel so sick.

    Self respect, is not a pawn.
    Can I be Queen?
    Right hand, on green..
    Yet my request seems unheard.
    You still define my Scrabble word.

    Do I have self control?
    My analog seems frozen still.
    "Finish Her" It's overkill.
    Beer Pong for the sober.
    Game Over.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Game Play

    Very interesting! I like this kind of free write. Although the rythm in this is kind of
    a disaster. If you read it back to yourself you can see where you become offbeat. Shorten some of the longer sentences. Lengthen some of the short. I think that is more of the problem.
    But i love how its irratic anyway

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Game Play

    Thanks for the suggetion but I think I like it as is ... There is an actually quite intentional rythm here. The short lines were made short for a reson as were the long. I made the first line in each stanza one that did not rhyme. And then after that I alternated, 2 shorter sentences, with 2 longer ones. Then the next stanza I did the opposite. When I read it, it always goes smoothly. Sorry if it seemed disasterous for you. To each their own right?
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Game Play

    I really liked the theme of this one. But I found it really confusing. I only vaguely get the point and I'm pretty sure that's cus I know you personally and not just through your writings. I'm not sure what made it so confusing to me either so I can't offer any suggestions to make it more clear.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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