+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 13

Thread: Grieving.

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Crystal Minnesota.
    Posts
    556
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 44 Times in 42 Posts

    Unhappy Grieving.

    Sick with worry,
    Wrought with pain.
    I can't believe,
    That it could happen again.
    So soon.
    So fast.
    The pain, this time, shall last.
    No time to subside.
    No time to hold up and hide.
    Too soon.
    Too fast.
    I don't know how my heart,
    Will make it past,
    Losing the light, from the life that raised me,
    Or losing the one with whom I finally,
    Built something strong,
    I thought would last so long.
    And before long...
    They'll BOTH be gone.

    ======================================
    My grandfather, who raised me, recently died.
    When my grandmother asked me to write something for him, a poem,
    I couldn't get anything out. It was too much too soon. So I wrote a letter instead. But I never felt like that was enough.
    I just found out my father, whom I've built a strong connection with since adulthood, has bone cancer, that will not go away. It will go into remission but it will come back. So...he will die from cancer.

    I've never dealt with death. And I don't know how. This is the first time true tragedy has struck my life. And I'm scared for my father. But greatful he's not scared. He's been dead once before I "knew" him. But I'm scared enough for both of us. I don't know how to deal with losing both of them. So please, if you can't be gentle, move along. Criticism is different however. Just try to be tactful.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  2. #2
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    2,643
    Thanks
    235
    Thanked 166 Times in 141 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    I like your new poem, the flow is a bit choppy, but it conveys your feelings well. Mad props! I encourage expression.

    I know things are tough right now and I know that you don't really know how to deal with it. Just remember that I'm here for ya if ya need a friend to talk to. As you know, I lost a family member once, and I know how it feels to deal with death of a loved one. It hurts like hell. It's not something you can just turn off, but gradually, with time, you'll start to feel differently about your loss; knowing that person's in a better place within The Universe.

    Keep your head up!


  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Crystal Minnesota.
    Posts
    556
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 44 Times in 42 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    I found a rhythem at first...and lost it and then found a totally different one. So I felt like, as long as it got it running through me that was ok. I wasn't trying to rhyme though.

    I really appriciate the support.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  4. #4
    Otaku Shadowfantasy4 may be famous one day Shadowfantasy4 may be famous one day Shadowfantasy4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    102
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    Toward the end it seems to not match with the rest of the poem and the last 3 lines especially, try playing with the wording a little. I really like it i feel its a bit short but other wise good

  5. #5
    Laid Back Otaku Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    my personal safehaven
    Posts
    557
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 9 Times in 6 Posts

    Cool Re: Grieving.

    Your words were really deep. It gave off imagery of sorrow and despair. Overall, even though the rhythm wasn't consistent, it was awesome. Kudos to your poetic skills.

  6. #6
    Newbie Angel of Darkness is off to a good start Angel of Darkness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    The damp darkness of the forest's heartwoods
    Posts
    35
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    Wow. That's really beautiful. It reminds me of when my granmother passed away almost two years ago. I'd only met her a few years before and it was totally unexpected. She had just beaten uteren (sp?) cancer and then she died two days after thansgiving from a tumor in her lung that no one knew about.

    There's really no right way to deal with losing a loved one. No matter what you do, it still hurts. My deepest sympathies for what you're going through.
    Tears are the feelings that a heart can no longer hold.

  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Crystal Minnesota.
    Posts
    556
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 44 Times in 42 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tano-kun View Post
    Your words were really deep. It gave off imagery of sorrow and despair. Overall, even though the rhythm wasn't consistent, it was awesome. Kudos to your poetic skills.
    I appreciate your comment. Thanks a lot. That's the image I was trying to get across because that's how I felt about the whole thing. And the rhythm wasn't very consistent. But neither are emotions when concerning stuff like this. Both because theres no use mourning someone who's not dead yet, so that goes against all the pain and worry I felt about my dad. And in the end my grandpa dying was the best for him. He was ill and in pain, and absolutely miserable, not to mention it benefited some of us in the family to a certain degree. My mother paid off debt and stuff. The kids have college money saved up now and I am able to buy a car and some things for the baby I may have gone without before. So while it hurt in a deep place i've never been reached before, it wasn't all bad. Hence the confliction. I don't think it'd have felt the same had it flowed perfectly. It wasn't a perfect thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angel of Darkness View Post
    Wow. That's really beautiful. It reminds me of when my granmother passed away almost two years ago. I'd only met her a few years before and it was totally unexpected. She had just beaten uteren (sp?) cancer and then she died two days after thansgiving from a tumor in her lung that no one knew about.

    There's really no right way to deal with losing a loved one. No matter what you do, it still hurts. My deepest sympathies for what you're going through.
    Thank you. It's hard to lose someone. I was very close with my grandpa though. He was like my dad. I lived with ihm most of my childhood. He's what taught me how a man should really treat a woman and how they should really love a family. (Not that I've been great in finding men like him. They are a dying breed and next to impossible to find.)
    I've been dealing with it by keeping busy, and reminding myself that even in the tragedy of my heart, that he died, for him it was relief, and he got what he wanted in those last few days. And the positive side is, I got some things I needed to stand on my own feet again. And he wanted that for me.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  8. #8
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Close to the edge or in my dreams
    Posts
    363
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 17 Times in 15 Posts

    Re: Grieving.

    I looked over your poem quite a few times, just the fact it was about you losing someone close to you & you might have to deal with the same thing in the near future <hopefully not>... And I just didn't know what to say; especially to someone I really don't know... But I guess me telling you how it made me feel wouldn't hurt...

    I can tell it was written from the heart cause that is where it hit with me... I sort of lost my mother & father at the same time, but the difference is they are still here... We just lost connection & stopped communicating all together... It seemed like when I got further & further away from my father; me & my mother got closer, probably cause I thought she needed me & I needed her at the time... I know it is none of the same, but this was a heart felt read...

    And who needs consistent rhyming when the writing touches someone's heart... ^_^

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts