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Thread: The hart

  1. #1
    Otaku SasukePorter is off to a good start
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    The hart

    The hart is very tender

    just a beat is loving

    once u are hurt what is that u see

    the blood of that hart is bleeding onto the floor

    i trusted u i gave it all i love u but u turned cold

    allways trusting but not anymore u hurt me so i let the blade tell

    its bleeding bleeding more and more should i live or die i really dont know

    will u save me or shall i perishi i love u come bak my hart needs u its just

    bleeding beat after beat it becomes harder to breath wait dont let it go

    think about it befor i go never forget me as the beat slowly stops the blood

    bursts out shuting my life i love u but my hart has run cold now my body lay still in cold

    tell me what u think and also i dont know how to do poems T.T but any way check it^^
    Dont Be A Fool Be The Leader & Live Your Life

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  2. #2
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    Re: The hart

    whoo that is deep there buddy hum painfull breakup I take it well keep up the good work, hum I would suggest stanzas.
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    Re: The hart

    hmm...interesting... its a good poem... but next time write them in stanzas...like ichigo said ^^ ... and also.. the spellings... please spell correctly ^^

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    Re: The hart

    I felt it necessary to point this out:
    hart = Olde English term for a deer
    heart = that organ that pumps blood inside you that most people associate with love

    I think that proper grammar would take this poem farther than it is right now.

  5. #5
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    Re: The hart

    sorry X_X im kinda talk slang and im sorry and i really dont know how to do poems T.T but i did better than last thankies and ill take the advice^^
    Dont Be A Fool Be The Leader & Live Your Life

    Haha Never Let The Bad Bring You Down

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