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Thread: hatred valid reason...

  1. #1
    ★~Ao's Irish Fariy ~★ equinn may be famous one day equinn may be famous one day equinn's Avatar
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    hatred valid reason...

    If I was helped by a Soldier I would **** him/her off

    It might be offensive but I don’t care I have my valid reasons to why I hate
    Soldiers.

    I don’t give out the graphic details into why...

    I’m interested in warfare off course...

    I play military games...

    Call of duty...and more

    But even in a burning, fallen or even to do with a bomb...

    I will not let a Soldier help me

    He/she will not be helping me

    I threaten to kill myself afterwards if they disobey my words...

    Suicide made from the misunderstanding of a Soldier helping someone that did
    not want or wish for there aid...

    It might be there duty to do so but to go agents that ones wishes ...

    Is that really there duty to disown peoples trust?...


    i guess people here wont agree with me about this some of you guys/girls may be Soldiers i dunno and i might offend you and I'm sorry but i have my reasons onto why i just can't share then with you
    Last edited by equinn; Mar 22, 2008 at 05:08 AM.

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    Otaku Cruisin with crush Champion, Animal Rescue Champion abby724 is off to a good start abby724's Avatar
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    Re: hatred valid reason...

    I get your point, but the way you're trying to convey it... Not so good. Not much flow to this. Lots of emotion, but it's "hazy". I guess the blatantness just won't work out without a stable structure.

    "But even in a burning, fallen or even to do with a bomb..."? I think the grammar might be a bit off, or if it's my English skills, terribly sorry... It just sounds awkward to me... And, concerning "It might be there duty to do so but to go agents that ones wishes ..." Some nitpicking: You spelled "against" wrong, there should be an apostrophe in "one's". And what I think the biggest crack with that line is... Again, the lack of structure and flow. "Is that really there duty to disown peoples trust?..." Also really struck me as awkward, I'm guessing it's the "that". Oh, and there's an apostrophe missing.

    Be more careful with the ending. That's the last thing anyone will see, so that, along with the first line, will make the biggest impression... Which reminds me, the first line... It's missing a certain element... An artistic element? Expressing your thoughts differently might help.
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    Newbie kyzr is off to a good start kyzr's Avatar
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    Re: hatred valid reason...

    I agree. There is no real flow, and the grammar/punctuation/spelling are all, well... rather awful. And the poem overall doesn't do much to explain the theme, why you hate soldiers.

    "I'm sorry but i have my reasons onto why i just can't share then with you"... I promise, we're all dying to know. See, saying "I despise you and I can't tell you why" is kind of rude.

    And, I cannot agree or disagree with you because I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say, as your poem is nearly indecipherable.

    I'm sorry. I mean no offense, I want no issue with you. I'm just very confused by your post, is all.



    *Avoids discussion over whether there ever IS a valid reason for hate*
    Last edited by kyzr; Apr 03, 2008 at 03:06 PM.

    [Draw me a sheep!]

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