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Thread: Haunted

  1. #1
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    Haunted

    i've written a horror narrative for an english assessment task, and as the limit for the assessment was 1000 words, it's a pretty short story. i think this story lacks plot, but as it was written in just under 3 hours, i guess it's ok. what'd you all think of it?

    Haunted

    Her cold, lifeless eyes stared out of the glass paned window, lined with thick bars, not to keep people out, but to keep people in. Her pale, blanched skin shone white in the moonlight, casting a long, ghostly shadow against the frigid wooden floorboards. Her thin white gown drifted lightly with the slight wind forcing its way through the minor cracks in the glass windowpanes.

    The silence consuming the vicinity would have been intolerable to an ordinary person. But Samantha Anson was no regular human being, and had not lived a standard life for a number of years.

    It all started several years ago…
    ---

    “Oh, what a spectacular sight!” Gasping, seventeen year old Samantha Anson spun about in a circle, a bright smile adorning her attractive face. Her slim figure twirled around gracefully as she entered the enormous metal gates, complete with elaborate designs of the seventeenth century.

    Chuckling slightly to himself as he watched his fiancée whirl about like an excited infant, John Ramos walked through the vast gates and surveyed his surroundings. He’d have to admit that this seventeenth century mansion was quite a sight. The lush green lawns, covered by various assortments of flowers and daisies, had already captured the interest of his dear fiancée. He could only wonder what lay inside in anticipation of them.

    The real estate agent stood beside him, admiring the mansion, despite his professionalism. Never, in his twenty years of expertise, had he ever come across such a mansion. It was absolutely breathtaking.

    “John! Oh John! Could we please take a look inside?” An excited Sam asked cheerfully, intoxicated by the magnificent beauty of the mansion.

    Laughing softly at her eagerness to explore, he nodded.

    A mere half hour later, John purchased the mansion, completely satisfied. The manor was exactly what he’d been hoping for – a grand place of residency, fit for a Queen. The smile gracing Sam’s cherubic features as she appraised the entrance hall of the mansion was priceless. This manor was definitely worth more than he’d compensated for.

    They decided to move in straight away, and by nightfall, the manor was filled with bustling servants and maids, all eager to serve under the employment of Lord Ramos. He was renowned for his generosity when it came to those in need, and treated his employees with the utmost respect.

    As Sam changed into her nightgown, ready for sleep after a tiring day, the manor was consumed by an eerie silence. Suddenly, she became wary of the way the shadows, cast by the tree branches outside, resembled long, ghostly figures. She jumped as an owl hooted nearby, and felt her heartbeat increase as she heard something break from within the manor. Then, all was silent…

    Watching the bathroom door intently, Sam’s breathing became more and more strained. She shivered as her mind came up with terrifying thoughts, and she sunk to a slouched position on the bathroom floor. She broke into a cold sweat, and suddenly wished that they hadn’t purchased this manor.

    Deep in thought, Sam let out a startled cry as a knock was delivered against the bathroom door.

    “Sam? Are you alright? You’ve been in there for quite a while now…” John said from the other side of the door, sounding rather concerned.

    Relief flooded through her as she scrambled towards the door. Throwing it open, she flung herself into the strong arms of her fiancé. With quick reflexes, he managed to hold onto her tightly, despite almost toppling over with surprise.

    Her slim frame shook with sobs, though she couldn’t quite explain her sudden outburst. All she knew was that she wanted to leave this place, and never come back.

    “Sam, what’s wrong?” His tone was laced with concern, and he unconsciously massaged her back, trying to calm her down.

    “I don’t like this place… It makes me feel afraid… insecure…” Sam said between sobs. She couldn’t quell that feeling of dread, and desperately wanted to leave the manor. During the daytime when the mansion was packed with people, it felt warm and welcoming. But during the night, darkness consumed the manor, and all was silent...

    Wrapping his arms around her small frame, John sighed as he softly patted her head. “It’s ok Sam… Everything’s alright… I’m here… There’s nothing to worry about…” He said, trying his best to comfort her.

    “I’ll fetch you a glass of water. Stay here, I’ll be right back,” John said, gently kissing her forehead. Sam nodded, settling down on the bed, lost in her own thoughts.

    It was only when she realized that John had been gone for a long time, did the feeling of anxiousness return. Only this time, the realization hit her hard like a brick wall…

    All she could hear was the loud thumping of her heart, and all she could see was the doorway through which she had last seen John. Suddenly, she wanted to see him. She needed to see him, to make sure he was still here… still alive.

    Sam swiftly made her way towards the doorway, breathing laboured and heart beating fiercely. As she lightly ran down the hallway towards the staircase, she was fully aware of the way the portraits that hung on either side of the hallway loomed down upon her, and seemingly followed her with their eyes as she quickened her pace.

    As she hastily made her way down the staircase towards the kitchen, the lights seemed to flicker on and off, as if mocking her. The curtains of opened windows nearby rustled ferociously, and loud whisperings could be heard from the fierce wind, just like the sounds made by ghosts in horror movies.

    In her haste, Sam tripped on the last step of the staircase and fall face first onto the hard wooden floorboards. Her breath came out in harsh spasms, and she found it hard to concentrate on anything, apart from her awareness of the overwhelming silence. She slowly turned her head to the right, looking toward the light streaming through the doorway of the kitchen.

    As much as she willed herself to stand up and walk those few steps to reach John, she couldn’t… Her body was numb with fear, and she became ever so conscious of the stench coming from the kitchen. The stench of blood… John’s blood…

    After what seemed like hours, but what could only have been a few minutes, Sam gasped loudly as the grandfather clock chimed. Twelve o’clock…

    On the spur of the moment, Sam hoisted herself up, off the cold wooden floor, and ran towards the kitchen. She slowed her pace as she neared the doorway, her fists clenching and unclenching in anticipation of what was awaiting her…

    If she had had the strength to, she would have let out a blood curdling scream. If she had had the strength to, she would have bolted out of the mansion and never looked back again. If she had had the strength to, she would have grabbed a kitchen knife and slit her throat right there and then… but she didn’t.

    ---

    She would be trapped in this mansion, forever…

    “All this time, I’ve been so hollow inside…I still can’t find what keeps me here…”


    She would be a prisoner of this manor, forever…

    “I know you’re still there… Watching me…Wanting me…”


    She would be a ghost within herself, forever…

    “I know I’ll find you somehow…”

    She would love him, forever…

    “I won’t let you hold me down…”


    Some people wouldn’t say the name out loud… Samantha Anson Ramos, the ghost she had to live with forever…

  2. #2
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Haunted

    OMG i want more you hear thats not fair i want to see what happens next
    you left me a cliff hanger here . i absolutly loved this, this is very good plz tell me your gonna do another chapter or finsh this?
    Last edited by HolderOfTheDarkChalice; Jul 30, 2006 at 12:05 AM.
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  3. #3
    Newbie Lost_Love may be famous one day Lost_Love may be famous one day Lost_Love's Avatar
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    Re: Haunted

    you make me want to cry....it was so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE GOING TO BE A WRITER!!!! -assumes you are- ok now that, that is settled...
    i wish it woulden't have ended
    WHAT DID SHE SEE NEXT
    i am going to start crying
    and i won't till you finish it.
    i am waiting
    -cryies-

  4. #4
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    Re: Haunted

    haha lol, thanks! i had to end it there because i was already over the limit of 1000 words. if i were to be completely honest, i really don't know what happens to john lol. i'll leave that part your imagination.

  5. #5
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Haunted

    This story gives me the chills man, awesome story.

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    Re: Haunted

    omg that was great but now i want to go work on my story...............(sigh) oh well.....
    Life's a beach, so build a sand castle!


  7. #7
    Cherubic Flash Pegs Champion, Chaos Theory Champion, Booya Champion, Word Up Champion, Angel Differences Champion mystical shadow angel may be famous one day mystical shadow angel may be famous one day mystical shadow angel's Avatar
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    Re: Haunted

    lol, thanks for your compliments!

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