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Thread: Heart broken

  1. #1
    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    Heart broken

    Thine sole now wanders
    Amongst the darkened realm of thine mind
    Once scared
    Now cracked

    Thine dearest has left
    Never to return to thine arms
    Never will thine eyes see thou gentle face.
    Thine soul now burdened

    All hope fails
    Thine heart now shatters
    Thine soul now crumbles
    Thine mind now fails

    Leaving nothing but an empty husk behind
    No longer feels emotion
    No longer feels pain
    Thine soul now gone
    this is a poem that i just wrote and i would like you all to give a little bit of your constructive criticisem.
    Last edited by Dragons2801; Apr 24, 2010 at 01:23 PM.

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

  2. #2
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Heart broken

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragons2801 View Post
    this is a poem that i just wrote and i would like you all to give a little bit of your constructive criticisem.
    "Criticisem" is actually spelled "criticism." Did you do that just to be funny. Or is that another one of your archaic linguistic exercises.

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: Heart broken

    I think it is very good. I also like the classical style you have adopted I have always found it difficult to write in that style.
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    Dragons2801 (Apr 22, 2010)

  5. #4
    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    Re: Heart broken

    Quote Originally Posted by beast View Post
    "Criticisem" is actually spelled "criticism." Did you do that just to be funny. Or is that another one of your archaic linguistic exercises.
    lol is someone geting angry? but i was a little drousie

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Heart broken

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragons2801 View Post
    lol is someone geting angry? but i was a little drousie
    Did you intentionally miss spell "getting" and "drowsy"?

  7. #6
    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    Re: Heart broken

    Quote Originally Posted by beast View Post
    Did you intentionally miss spell "getting" and "drowsy"?
    lol im messin with you man, you are fun to bug, you are very inteligent and you cannot stand people using illproper grammer and mispelling words

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

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